Being in a relationship with a significant other seems to be a very important accomplishment in life. Relationships with other people are important teaching lessons and help us to learn about ourselves more quickly. Relationships also reveal our talents and help us to help others. In brief, being connected to other people is sometimes challenging and these connections are beneficial when we are open to learning from ourselves and from our interactions with those close to us.
Human beings communicate telepathically from close and from afar. Most of us are not aware of this innate ability. Our subconscious minds are all linked together, and the collective intelligence of humanity knows how to attract the people and situations that we need into our lives. Sometimes these people don’t look like or act the way we think they should, but for whatever reason, they are right for us at any given moment.
Some people easily gravitate to positive people with good boundaries, people who are kind, generous, and compassionate. Most likely those individuals have not experienced traumatic events or relationships that have damaged their sense of self value. Yet others have much drama and violence in their lives. Why does this happen? It is hard to think of someone who is creating drama in our lives, someone who is dishonest, violent, or negative in speech or behavior as being right for us. But until we change our subconscious minds, we attract the same inner landscape in others that exists deep within our selves.
So what happens after we do some inner work, healing and repairing our self love and self esteem? How does our inner GPS know when we are ready to interact with others and create relationships once again? Having been one of those people who has long struggled with relationships with self and others, I have taken a break of about two and a half years from dating. I actually feel uncomfortable with the word “dating”, because I don’t exactly know what it means.
In my heart, I would like to get to know people slowly and progressively – to know what kind of person they are. It has become clear to me that passion and some types of romance are not the stuff of a real relationship, and as I get older and understand myself better, I am more aware of my own basement psychology and what in me is fermenting and magnetic. Suddenly, kindness and integrity seem like really exciting and sexy qualities in a person. And I am learning to be patient – with myself and with others.
I am beginning to understand that life is a wondrous adventure, but that also most people are caught up in a dance in which they consider life to be a race, a science, something to be conquered. And so they don’t enjoy life – they don’t even really sink into the soup of suffering, because they are constantly trying to get out or beyond it. Life is about experiences, pleasant and unpleasant. So while I do want to be in relationships – friendships and more intimate relationships – I am allowing myself the experience of solitude – in its pleasures and its pains. In solitude, I am in fact, connected to all of the experience of life. And the particular relationships of friends, teachers, lovers, and family are just a small part of this universal equation. In my connection and acceptance of myself, I am forgiving life for not being all that I want it to be. And in the process, my heart is getting bigger. Maybe big enough to let the whole world in.