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Fresh start: new beginnings for a new paradigm


Hello dearest readers,

While I’m working at my survival job (doing editing of airplane maintenance and repair manuals), I listen to YouTube videos about spiritual topics, nature, science, and music to keep my mind creatively focused. It is very challenging for me to do work that is not fully aligned with my personality and purpose.


If you are at all interested in the evolution of humanity to a higher level of consciousness at this critical time in our collective history, then you probably feel something like I do. Needing to be free and to explore my own creative potential in each moment. Knowing I am connected to all that is and creating new realities in that interconnected web of being that is life.


Yesterday, synchronicities led me to a series of videos about living a life of ease and flow, letting go of all attachments to past self-limiting beliefs, letting go of all attachment to Akashic history. Basically the message I was receiving is that humanity is being relieved of the leaden cloak of slavery and sleep that has been keeping us in a limited reality. Now we can pursue our dreams and will not be hindered by any force outside of self.


New potentials are here. Whereas before every time I tried to start an art or creative business where I could use my real talents to make a living (mural painting, portraits of pets and people, container gardens for medicinal plants) somehow I found I wasn’t connected or supported. Was I sabotaging myself with limiting beliefs that somehow I wasn’t worthy of success? Possibly. Why wasn’t the flow of life supporting me? Are things different now?

fairy garden

While I was in Finland a few weeks ago, helping my son get established for university life there, I saw a post on my neighborhood social network from a lady who needed help with a French translation for a hospital report. An intuition told me to offer the translation for free in exchange for help in transitioning to a new career.

tour eiffel

I didn’t know anything about this woman, her life, her career, her interests. I just had a sense of knowing that this is what I should do. When I returned home from Finland, we got in touch, and I met her. It turns out that we have so much in common! We both are writers and editors as well as artists. She also was a professional chef and taught cooking as well as worked as a food writer, PR person for large corporations. Her resume is impressive!


I invited her for dinner last night. It was a little intimidating cooking for a professional chef, but she was very gracious! We have been brainstorming about ideas for a business that we could create together. And she is encouraging me to pursue my painting as a way to make a living. The time has come for me to truly believe that I can make a living using my talents, time, and energy pursuing the activities I love most!


Each work day, I have to wake up between 3:45 and 4:00 am to arrive at work at 5:30 am. I don’t get home until 5:30 pm. This schedule takes a lot out of me, because it leaves me so little free time to pursue creative activities and to refresh my soul and spirit. Today, Sunday, is my day off, and I turned off my alarm clock and slept several hours longer than I usually do. Most days, I can’t remember my dreams.

3 45 am

This morning, dream time took me to a place where I was parking my old Nissan Altima, getting ready to take my dog, Ruby, for a walk. For some reason, I had my laptop in the car, and I was trying to charge it using the cigarette lighter cable. Thoughts entered my dream mind that I should probably slip the laptop under the passenger seat so no one would see it. Then I looked for my purse as I got ready to get out of the vehicle.

laptop in car

It was a pink purse which I haven’t used in a while. I looked inside and saw that my pink leather wallet was slightly torn, gaping, empty, as if someone had forced the zip open to take out the contents. Shocked, I started looking through my purse and saw that all of my credit cards and little pouches containing my driver’s license and other personal items were gone. I was really upset in the dream, debating whether I should still take my dog on a walk or go home and start making phone calls.

pink purse

The drudgery of having to worry about such material concerns and the thought that I had absolutely no cash to buy food were distressing me. I started the car back up, deciding to drive closer to the park where I was going to walk Ruby. Entering the parking area, a small furry animal the size of a cat (but not a cat) with orange fur ran in front of my car. I jammed on the brakes, but I heard it gasp with pain. The sound it made was very human-like. I think I ran over its foot. It ran away, and it seemed to be OK. I parked the car and somehow had a small, child-sized bicycle. I got on the bike to ride it…but woke up shortly thereafter.

furry cat car

This morning, I was thinking about the dream and made the obvious connection to the fresh start material I had been listening to on YouTube yesterday and to my conversations with my new friend about starting one or more businesses together. When I woke up, it took me a minute to realize that the dream had taken place in an entirely different reality than the one to which I had awoken. Relieved, I realized I didn’t have to cancel all my credit cards or apply for a new driver’s license. But my thoughts immediately moved to the concept of a fresh start.


No ID cards, no connections to our banking system means relying on inner resources and on my connection to spirit and the entirety of the human web for my needs. When I connect to that live flow of information, sustenance, and creative power, I get whatever I need instantly. I don’t need the old paradigm anymore, and the dream was trying to show me that if I want to live and flourish in the new reality, I have to let go of absolutely everything I have ever learned, believed, or used for my life and survival in the old energy.

fresh start

It can be challenging to live with an empty purse, but an empty (pink) purse is full of new possibilities! I am looking forward to feeling excitement again about my life. About living not just with the idea of being a creator of realities, but actually living it each moment.

art studio in container

There is an entirely new energy on the planet. It is real, and people are waking up. I can tell when I talk to people. Those who never would have been receptive to certain ideas listen and are much more open to concepts that would have been previously too frightening or far out to contemplate. Most people are beginning to understand that we are not alone in our galaxy or in the universe, and that we have all been enslaved under a system that was designed to keep us separate from self and from one another.


We are entering an exciting new era, full of hope and new possibilities for peace, understanding, creative, and compassionate living. If you have ever had plans and projects that just would not take off or work out under the old energy, it is time to think again, and to try again. The new energy will support you. Just drop the old beliefs and conditioning and start dreaming again!


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Worlds Apart


Hello dear readers,

I have been offline for a while. My son just turned 18 and had his first day of classes at the University of Helsinki in Finland today. It has and continues to be a great adventure for both of us! I just returned to the United States after spending nearly two weeks in Finland, helping my son to get settled there.


When I was 19 years old, as a third year art student at Maryland Institute College of Art, in Baltimore, I too headed overseas to Paris, France to pursue my studies. As I look back at my own experiences as both a teen just beginning adulthood as well as considering my own and my son’s perspectives from a parental point of view, so many thoughts and emotions surface.


Life is so different now. In September of 1986, when I first set out on my own European adventure, there was no Internet to speak of, no mobile phones for everyday people. I was truly on my own, and my family did not come with me to help me settle into my new life. I had to figure everything out for myself. There were advantages and disadvantages to this arrangement. It was a great struggle, but by necessity, I had to find my way. I had to figure out where to live, how to pay my rent, how to find a job and pay my own bills. I had to learn the language and make friends. I had to figure out the bureaucracy on my own and deal with its intricacies over a period of many years. It was often a lonely process. I could not message friends back in the U.S. or lose myself in social media. I spent a lot of time walking the streets of Paris, by day and by night, exploring the city. That was how I coped with the solitude of my condition, especially during the times when I had not yet made friends, or when my friends had left the country for other adventures.


The world is much smaller today, and it is mostly a great thing. I can click on an app on my phone and see that my son is shopping at a grocery store near his student apartment and know that he is OK, even though he is, according to that app, 4,823 miles away from home. When he is shopping, he can message me and ask whether or not he should buy the apple cider vinegar for 4 Euros, or which of the electric kettles for sale is a better choice. There are still a lot of things he has to negotiate on his own, but it is comforting for both him and me to know that we can feel so very close thanks to the i-phone!



My own mother was very fearful of losing her children. By holding us close, I imagine she felt that she would never be alone. It seemed as if she did not want us to grow up and become independent adults. While my brother and sister ceded to her qualms, I could not allow myself to live such a restrictive life, and I cut the cords. It was an either/or arrangement. Either you were part of the family, or you were a complete outsider. I chose freedom, and with that freedom came a large dose of solitude.



I have come to love my solitude, which is not the same thing as loneliness. Yet in today’s world, we, as human beings, are trying to come to terms once again with intimacy. I have allowed and encouraged my only child, my son, to go to live and study in a country even farther away than France. It was important to me to encourage his dreams and to help him to realize his own potential. Was this easier for me to do because of technology?


I have felt concerned as a parent and as a woman what my life will be like now that my son is living so far away. Now I will have more time to devote to my own interests. But because I have been cut off from my own family, this separation is all the more poignant. The technology is making it easier, less painful. I have traveled to Finland, and I have helped my son to decorate his room, to buy the things he needs. We have explored the city together. Without that shared experience, this transition would have been much more difficult.


It has taken a lot of work, much organization and effort to carry off this ambitious project. I am a single parent, and I don’t have a large income or much savings. My son’s father has never contributed personally or financially to his well-being or education. But because my son and I both nurtured this dream and invested our energy and confidence in this vision, we were together able to make it a reality.


This is inspiring to me.  With our thoughts, our emotions, our dreams, we create realities. As a mom, I am ready to restart my own new adventure, just as I continue to support my only son as he takes his first steps as a young adult in a far-off land. It is exciting and a little fearful for moms to let their kids go off into the world. We want to protect them, and often our identity hinges on being a mother. We have poured so much love and caring into our kids. I am very proud of my son, and I am proud of myself for helping to shape the intelligent, creative, caring human being that my son has come to be. We continue to grow together and as individual beings, so close and also apart.


With our new technologies, we mothers of the world are able to stay connected with our kids as they explore the wider world, all while nurturing our own dreams and making the contributions to life and art that we, as creators of realities, have always held within our hearts, minds, and bodies.

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We are the ones we’ve been waiting for: the new age of personal responsibility


Dearest readers,

Life is but a dream. My focus in the new paradigm, as we collectively move into a higher level of consciousness, is to create a dream, that is a life, that I enjoy. No one is coming to save us. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We came, we incarnated, to take back our power. To take responsibility for our lives, for our own creation. To finally end the era of limitation, giving up power to others. To finally realize that we no longer need to suffer and constantly spin in the drama of our own emotional wounds and project them onto others in an endless playing out of victim and rescuer roles.


I have been working hard on myself for years, releasing myself of the conditioned programs of fear, self-hatred, self-sabotage, fear of my own success, worry, lack, doubt. This is hard work. It doesn’t happen overnight. Even though I know I came to this planet in this body in order to plant seeds of wisdom to help humanity to wake up at this time, it has been a long process of awakening for myself.

coughing up flowers


Yet I am encouraged. I see multiple signs that many others are awakening and realizing that no one is going to swoop down from the clouds or arrive on spaceships to save us. No politician or elected official is going to deliver the answers that we need to create a better society. We are each responsible for creating the new paradigm. And the more quickly we become conscious, self-empowered, heal self, and take responsibility for our own lives, the more quickly we can collectively embody a peaceful way of living on our beautiful home planet.


One of the hopeful signs I have seen was during the recent French legislative election. I am a citizen of the U.S., but I also have French and Canadian citizenship and thus am able to vote in elections in these countries as well. France has an abundance of political parties, and only a few candidates in the presidentials resonated with my values: Jean-Luc Mélenchon, of the leftist people’s party, La France insoumise, and Philippe Poutou, an anti-capitalist promoting equality, simplicity, and environmental responsibility. Despite these candidates similarities to Bernie Sanders (though more left-wing), they still maintain the concept of an elected official representing the people – though with more integrity than to which we have become accustomed.

syrian graffiti art

The exciting shift appeared in the legislative or parliamentary elections. Called #MAVOIX, this movement seeks to empower citizens by returning the power very closely to a direct democracy. By using technology, the concept is to elect candidates who would attend assembly meetings, after which they would publish the issues on-line, and the people would vote. Anyone can become a candidate. Using the results of these on-line referendums, the #MAVOIX (my voice) candidates would then vote in the national assembly.


Other signs of a return to self empowerment would be movements in which people choose to grow their own food, turning away from commercially produced products which have no real food value. The rejection of GMOs is also important. Intuitively, we sense that splicing and modifying genes is dangerous for our health and for the health of the planet. Just as the heart and frequency of vibration of the human heart is synchronized with that of the planet, so is our own heartbeat with the electromagnetic field of our DNA. If we modify our DNA or cut out bits and pieces, we may possibly damage the harmonious resonance of this connection and damage our health and longevity. See the work of Dan Winter on fractals, DNA, and the golden ratio.


Very recently, on my way home from work, I saw an older bearded man standing on the busy street corner of Moreland Avenue and Ponce de Leon (in Atlanta, GA), alone, holding a large hand-painted sign reading: NO MORE WARS.

protest signs

People are leaving large commercial banking institutions, opting for credit unions. More and more people yearn to leave their jobs, leave behind the slavery of our financial system, and do something creative and exciting. Our desire to be free and to live from our highest expression is growing stronger. People are closing their retirement accounts, quitting their corporate job, and checking out of the matrix.

farewell cake

Many are also discovering that the body is self-healing when aligned with our highest expression. As we grow more self-empowered, an increasing number of people will reject our healthcare system altogether and realize that we do not need the chemical pharmaceuticals which are depleting our health and our bank accounts. Let them take Obamacare. While the current administration abounds with ridiculous pronouncements and seemingly anti-humanitarian and anti-environmental projects, the excesses of abuse and lack of integrity are helping people to wake up and realize: Why do I keep giving up my power to people who are selfish, incompetent, and who have no clue how to build a better way of living? Why do I keep feeling as if I need to be saved by people and institutions who do not care about my well-being or the future of our humanity on Earth?

we are all immigrants

Another hopeful sign is that people are beginning to talk to one another again. It is a bit slow going, but it is encouraging to me that some are putting down their cellphones and organizing meetings to discuss issues of importance. On my block, my neighbors and I have been meeting up to discuss race relations, dirt bike riding in the neighborhood, how to improve the quality of life in our area. On our neighborhood social network, we share ideas, plants, services. I always make an effort to help people see the positive side of issues which are perceived as problems, such as youths roaming neighborhoods, breaking into homes and cars. Instead of jumping into fear, how about talking to the kids?

street art peace

I recently spent nearly an hour talking to two 17 year-olds who were cutting class from my local high school. They were swinging big sticks and may or may not have been entertaining trouble they could get into. Several break-ins had happened in the area, including on my block, and people were afraid. My own son is 17, a great student with big plans for his life, and I felt it was really important for me to talk to them, and to help these kids to see that they have power and potential for their own lives. To not throw it away for an X-box or some other nonsense. We talked about my garden. We talked about life. I gave them snacks, and they went on their way. Every time we bring positive energy, we raise the frequency of our neighborhood and reduce the chances of lower energy events occurring. This is part of self-empowerment and creating the reality we want to experience. By investing in others, we improve our own lives, without depleting ourselves. The energy begins to flow.


We are the ones we have been waiting for. Jesus is not arriving on a cloud to save only those who have been obedient. This is not want the new paradigm is about. We are each our own savior, and by raising our own level of consciousness, we create beauty, abundance, peace, and joy in our life. According to the life and example of Jesus, we become the fully empowered human being. This high energy spreads. It is contagious. It is the energy of unity, and in this energy, we all play our part. Instead of continually playing and replaying the broken record of limitation, separation, victimization, abuse, lack, codependency, polarities of good and evil, poverty and wealth, power and exclusion, we are now beginning to choose something different.


It is a very exciting time to be alive. Humanity has been cycling in the victim/rescuer mode for many thousands of years. As the 26,500 year cycle ended in 2012, many way-showers and forerunners have paved the way for people to make this shift, each at his or her own pace. We have been waiting for this new paradigm for a very long time. The more quickly we become conscious and take responsibility for self and begin to heal and love self, the more quickly we will all collectively enjoy increasing freedom, joy, the ability to use our time to express our personal creative talents. Abundance is at the threshold. It is up to each of us to embrace our own potential and to express it. Welcome to new Earth!



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Racism, animal abuse, child abuse, drug abuse: the final gasps of a victim/savior paradigm

victim and rescuer

Dearest readers,

My experiences growing up in a highly co-dependent, enmeshed family system where emotional abuse was a normal way of being led me on a path where I did not know how to love myself anymore. I had to learn to remember. The path to remembering, or putting myself back together again, was a long but ultimately successful one – unlike the nursery rhyme character Humpty Dumpty – who kept falling down, smashing himself up and couldn’t be reassembled or returned to wholeness. Since the egg is a wonderful symbol of unity and a very feminine image of rebirth and perfection of design, it is very appropriate to note that our society needs to reintegrate feeling, holism, compassion, self-love, in order to be reborn into a new paradigm.

Humpty Dumpty

From family insanity, where old stuff is constantly rehashed, where individual pain was never processed, just pushed off onto me – who served as a convenient scapegoat, I moved from one abusive relationship to another. I tried to be a nice person, and over and over, people took advantage of my attempts to be open and kind. It took me a very long time to realize that I had to learn to be kind to myself first. To stop accepting abuse from others. Many times, I said to myself: “Never again.” Yet the abuse (teacher) reappeared in different forms, charming me into believing it (or the person) was a different kind of person, a loving, kind, generous person.


It was not until I learned self-love that I could delete all drama from my life, choose what I really want to experience, and attract to myself the kind of life and relationships with people that I enjoy. It is a long, difficult at times, and challenging journey back to self-love for both the individual and the collective. If humanity wants to truly eliminate racism, cruelty to children and animals, and the various forms of self-abuse we call addictions – whether to substances, work, food, etc., then we need to learn to love self, embrace truth without flinching.  When we can be truly honest with ourselves, we begin to take responsibility for our own lives. We begin to see that we have been afraid of our own light and power. We have been punishing ourselves, and our pain reaches out and touches so many.


Nearly every day, I receive in my mailbox heartbreaking pleas from animal rescues for donations. Horses and donkeys brutally mistreated in various heartless sports, murdered, sent to slaughter. Mares kept ceaselessly pregnant to harvest their urine for the progesterone by Pfizer Pharmaceuticals for the drug Premarin. The foals are either murdered or left to die, while their mothers stand all day in tiny stalls. Donkeys murdered by the millions in China, even imported from Africa, their skins, bones, hooves, used to make ingredients for creams and beauty products all over the world. The heartless abuse of elephants, dogs, farm animals, wild animals…it is endless and horrifying.

Caldecott horse and donkey rescue

We live in a polarized world where many abuse and others feel compelled to save or to rescue. This is co-dependency at its “best”. We need to rise to a higher level of consciousness – out of victim and out of rescuer archetypes. It is time to take responsibility for our own pain and stop passing it onto others. It is time to stop expecting others to carry our pain or to save us from ourselves. It is time to stop numbing our pain and to look at it and realize that suffering is not the only way. Abuse is not the only way. Other people are not responsible for our pain. No human being or animal can make us happy, nor should they have to carry our pain for us. We are responsible for our own lives and our own happiness.


The truth is that human beings are covered with emotional wounds which they often do not seek to heal or do not know how to heal. Perhaps most are unaware of these wounds. They numb the pain through various addictions, or when the pain is too great, they pass on the abuse to those more vulnerable than self: to people of another ethnic or racial group, to women, to children, to animals.

emotional wounds

The seemingly endless sea of violence in which most of the world lives today – the prejudice and racism, the child and animal abuse, domestic violence, ethnic cleansing and genocide, intolerance of difference, police violence, the treatment of our planet as if it were a resource and not family – all of this is symptomatic of a gigantic emotional wound that passes from one generation to the next.

survival love

One of my co-workers spent a lot of time in foster care and was adopted several times as a child. He spent some time in Mexico, as his last adoptive family is Mexican. He told me that in Mexico, most people are not at all aware that their behaviors are prejudiced or racist. For example, he told me that indigenous people will be routinely excluded from entrance to many clubs, and that people of European origin think nothing of this discrimination. To them, it is normal and acceptable. They have no awareness that their behavior is cruel. Cognitive dissonance is at its highest level here.


In North America, and in particular in the United States, various “classes” or groups in society have slowly become aware of the pain and suffering caused to those who have been for hundreds of years positioned in the lowest ranks of our society. Black people and indigenous peoples, as well as immigrants to a slightly lesser extent, have born the brunt of our collective inability to take responsibility for our own personal and collective destinies.

cognitive dissonance

Today, those who would be the rescuers in a codependent system walk on eggshells – afraid to offend, to say something that might be inappropriate. And then you have those – especially with the anonymity of social media – who say incredibly hurtful and offensive things to rid themselves of their own poison. Police officers are not held accountable for their treatment of suspects, when, it seems to me, that public servants should be held to a higher level of accountability because of the responsibility of their positions.

voltaire quote

While the awareness of police brutality, the inequalities and vast unfairness of the criminal justice system, the economy, and just about every aspect of our society are at last being exposed to those who bathed in the sweet insouciant cloud of cognitive dissonance for the last few hundred years is a step in the right direction, collectively, most of humanity is still living in a dysfunctional relationship with self and with the collective. People give away their power constantly without even realizing it.


Do we all want to endlessly walk on eggshells? All people – those who have been playing the victim role and those who have been the persecutors – are all responsible for the reality in which we live. We create our own reality, every moment of every day. Victims must take responsibility. Perpetrators of abuse must take responsibility for self as well. It is the only way to end abuse and to create peace. The truth will set you free. Forgiveness of self and all others – abusers and victims – is also key. The truth is the honest, non-politically correct perception of reality. And that reality is that we are each responsible for our own life, for our own reality. If everyone would stop blaming, shaming, judging, living from survival consciousness (ego), and take a step back and look clearly at self, we would see all of the generations of pain we have taken on.


We would each realize that we have been conditioned to think a certain way. That we have adopted beliefs along the way of life which are untruths and which cause us pain. Once we do the challenging work of freeing self from the lies that society teaches us from birth, and once we heal our personal emotional wounds, then we will no longer tiptoe around on eggshells around other people. Once we learn to love self and be kind to self, we will find inner peace as a natural state of being. We won’t need to blame or shame others, to make others suffer because we can’t deal with our own pain. We won’t need to convince self or others that we are right and they are wrong. We can speak our truth from the heart without fearing hurting someone else’s feelings…because they too are responsible for their own well-being. And we won’t need others (even God or Jesus) to save us, because we will finally take responsibility for our own life and happiness.

crossing the line

The next phase in humanity’s collective rise to a higher level of consciousness is the realization that God is inside of each of us. Jesus did come to teach this truth over 2,000 years ago, but humanity was not ready to receive it. Humanity was still engaged in living the experience of separation from self, from all that exists, from divinity. Now that experience of limitation is drawing to a close, and we have an amazing opportunity to end co-dependency, the victim-rescuer paradigm once and for all. We can now take full responsibility for self and learn mastery. Human beings are powerful artists and creators. We have mastered the art of suffering, and we have collectively created a masterpiece of pain, suffering, and horror on the planet. In fact, we have mastered this so well that we have nearly destroyed our own species and have wiped out thousands of animals species and uncountable species of plants and insects.


Mother Earth is a powerful, conscious being in her own right. She is constantly and endlessly abundant and forgiving. She is renewing herself now, cleansing her waters, creating new species. We too, as human beings, have a great opportunity to cleanse self and to create heaven on Earth – a peaceful society of human beings who take full responsibility for the dream we design for self and other beings.


We can easily end racism, abuse of self and others, addiction, cruelty to animals, by healing our emotional bodies and releasing the conditioning – the old paradigm of co-dependency – victim/savior consciousness. It has served us well. We have learned to delve into the furthest depths of our own darkness. We have explored the human foundations of cruelty, victimization, exploitation. Reality is not something that is outside of self, that happens to us.

maya angelou quote.png

We have seen what it is like to live in polarity, where darkness is always seen as evil, and light as beauty and goodness. Now it is time to move back into unity. To remember what it is to know that all is one. Goodness and evil are neutral aspects of energy – just different expressions of being. To remember that we always have a choice, and that we are free to choose love and kindness or fear and cruelty at any given moment. We are creators. What do you want for your life? What will you choose to create?

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The Philosophy breakthrough: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt crossing guard

Hello dear readers,

At the conclusion of Netflix season 3 series heroine Kimmy Schmidt and fellow characters delve deep into identity, life purpose, and what it means to be a good person as well as how to align with your true self. Deep topics for a series which is often silly but also very clever and entertaining.


At the conclusion of season 3, Kimmy finds herself being kicked out of Columbia University with an honorary degree due to her having survived kidnapping and years of captivity by a religious cult leader. The dean tells Kimmy that while she may have emotional intelligence, she doesn’t have the academic skills to succeed at Columbia. Kimmy is proud of being in control of her life and her decisions and is not about to allow herself to be rejected in this way.

Kimmy crossing guard

A previous career aptitude test matches Kimmy as being best suited to be a crossing guard, and after her college plans fall flat, Kimmy heads straight to the nearest police station to apply for the job. Having taken a philosophy class (and also because she takes everything she hears literally), Kimmy believes that in order to be a good person she must be of service to others. After making 100% on the computerized test administered at the police station, she finds herself competing with a robot for the crossing guard position. Both she and the robot are neck in neck until the last question – a moral dilemma- leaves the robot stumped. Kimmy’s altruisim wins her the job, but when the police officer runs a background check, we find out that Kimmy is still legally married to her former kidnapper- a registered sex offender- and her hard-earned performance on the crossing guard exam is rendered nul and void.

Kimmy bummed out

Kimmy finds out the hard way that being a good person is not enough. While service to others is important, something is still not right in Kimmy’s world. Step by step, the layers and illusions are peeled away until Kimmy is left alone with herself. And although she is demoralized at first, her happiness and fulfillment align with her purpose just at the moment when it seems that all of her dreams and attempts at success and purpose are stymied.


Just before Kimmy is about to be ousted from Columbia, a nerdy and highly intelligent student whom no one seems to notice or remember has a discussion with Kimmy in the hallway. Kimmy pays attention to him and remembers his name. When he tells her he is about to quit his university studies, Kimmy congratulates him for being an independent thinker. Both Kimmy and the nerdy student, while so different in so many ways, are both sovereign beings, taking charge of their respective destinies. And, in an unexpected twist, this young man, as it turns out, has founded his own successful quirky start-up company…and he offers Kimmy a job to manage his staff.

Kimmy's new job

This episode jumped out at me, because it contains a very important lesson about self-love and self-acceptance. By always being herself, despite people finding her strange, Kimmy finally finds a way to shine in the world. She doesn’t need to help people by principle or for some moral reason. She refuses to allow people to feel sorry for her despite all of the challenges she has overcome. She is a gift to the world simply by being herself. She is of service to others just by enjoying her own life and shining her light.


The polarized vision of human beings who are either self-serving and selfish, living in a world that is designed to fulfill their own needs cohabiting with people who are focused on service to others but whose personal needs may not be met jumps up to a higher level where polarization is no longer necessary.


Imagine dreaming your life where you just enjoy yourself each and every moment. You wake up when your body is rested, you eat when your body is hungry. You laugh when you find something funny. You give affection when you want to, and you are able to easily receive affection. Your heart is open. You share your gifts openly. Life is beautiful. People enjoy being around you. You don’t hold grudges or judge others. You are happy. You don’t feel guilty about other peoples’ unhappiness, and you know you are not responsible for anyone other than yourself. But you are not selfish, because you are love.


This is the sweet spot we are all looking for. Life is simple. That subtle shift happens when I realize all I need to do is be myself. It is such a relief to stop pretending. To stop worrying and no longer be afraid of not having enough. To know that I don’t need to find my right purpose or mission., because being myself is perfection itself.  I feel close to that shift in my own life, and I am thankful to Kimmy Schmidt, fictional Netflix character, for embodying her truth in such a delightful way.

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On purpose: musings about why we are here


Dearest readers,

You may feel a vague or a more intense urging that there is a specific reason for which you came to live on Earth at this particular time. Many of us want to know: why am I here, and what is my specific purpose? I think about this a lot. There are so many things I love to do and to experience. Is being me and pursuing my own joy enough? Do I need to do something out of the ordinary to prove my worth or to make a difference?


In the ordinary, outwardly focused world, if we slow down long enough, we begin to feel empty and unfulfilled. The promises of materialism, couched in the artificial rainbows of the American dream, seem to take up all of our life force. The optics, narratives, and images propagated by the culture promise us just beyond our fingertips a place of beauty, harmony, love, and abundance. We can allow ourselves to get sucked into this deceptive system despite our own best but blind intentions, spending our entire lives seeking and never getting any closer to truth or fulfillment.


Many call this deception the matrix. Once you realize that reality is an illusion and that there are many realities, you begin to wonder what reality you might like to create and live in. For we do not all live in the same reality. Just as time is a convention invented to allow us to pretend that we all live in a single cooperative existence, the lure of happiness is an invented goal designed to manipulate us into giving up our  personal power and joy.

conspicuous consumption

Once I realized that I really do create my own reality, it became easier to start giving up the reality into which I was born – one based on manipulation, suffering, fear, and anxiety, where I could never achieve my dreams because I felt I was not good enough to deserve love, be a successful artist, and be free to pursue my dreams.

crushed flower.jpg

It takes a lot of work to release that false reality and all of the pain I have been carrying in every cell in my body for so many lifetimes. But knowing that by just being aligned with my true self I can create a beautiful world for myself, full of joy, beauty, and abundance makes the effort so worthwhile!

broken flowers


The reason for the emptiness we feel when we are unconscious is simple. The truth is found inside self. Not inside the mind, not in anyone else, in anything in the world, but inside the heart. The heart is the source of all realities. And the language of the heart is not reason, but intuition. We are not taught insight, intuition, or the poetry of interconnection of all beings and things at school. We don’t learn that everything is energy and that all beings have a specific frequency at any given moment. We don’t learn to read energy in others and situations. We don’t learn to know self. This is why we feel lonely, empty, and often can’t feel connected to self and to our purpose.


Our purpose shifts in any given moment. When we learn to connect to our inner self, we receive guidance from self on what we desire, what makes us happy, who to talk to, who to avoid, and so on. Realities are always shifting, as are energy fields. By tuning in and paying attention, we are living our life, not running away from it.


Because we live in an outwardly focused culture based on pursuit and activity, it is challenging for us to sit quietly with self. Purpose is something which unfolds from the heart, through experience. It can take an entire lifetime to discover the many facets of self and purpose.

tune out

I always see my life as a flower bud. It unfolds slowly. If I were to cut it open, all I would see are tightly wound green petals. There is always a core left to be discovered. The beauty of self is in the unfolding.


Some people pay those they believe are more intuitive or psychic than themselves to get clues and direction to discover their purpose. While an intuitive who has developed their innate skills and abilities can see the potentials for all realities, I don’t really see the utility in spending money on this type of service. It is counterproductive. You think you are saving time, but really, how can another person tell you how to unfold your life and how to open your heart? Why not spend that time and energy developing your own intuitive abilities? Though I can see a person desiring a connection with a more experienced person, as that individual can be a mirror to help reflect back to you what you cannot yet see in yourself. In that respect, I can see some value.


But if you sit quietly with yourself, spend time in nature, simplify your life, and pursue creative activities of some kind that please you and make you feel happy and relaxed, you will begin to see that your true purpose is simply to be your real self in the world. If we were all to slow down, look inward, stop blaming and judging self and others, and learn to love and respect our self, the world would be a lovely place to live right now.

quiet time.jpg

We are all conditioned beings once born into human culture. We forget who we are, what we enjoy, how to laugh, how to love our self, our body, our being. There is so much pain, judgment, shame, blame, fear, lack layered onto the beauty of our being, that our original freedom, joy, and ability to simply be an unique presence in the world is diminished.

Beautiful Blond Boy  baby

So all each of us needs to do is to release all of the conditioning. All of the accumulated pain from lifetimes of suffering. All of the fear, the lack, self-sabotage, victim mentality must go. This takes a lot of time, patience, and effort, and a clear intention to invite all of the hurt and pain to surface. For it is all stored in the body. As your heart opens up, you will start remembering how to feel again and stop running away from yourself. As you remember your true power, you begin to respect yourself and your life. You take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions, and choices. You become an artist and begin to create a life that you truly enjoy. This is your purpose.

pema chodron  open-hearts-see-love-everywhere

Our culture is constantly seeking to escape from self. The new paradigm is waking up and walking back home. Remembering that home is inside the self. Where the heart is.

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Poor me: race, cognitive dissonance, and personal responsibility for all

triumph of poverty

Dearest readers,

Being human is impossibly difficult. It is a challenge we take on voluntarily. At least that is what I believe, and that belief empowers me and gives me hope for all of us.


It seems crazy to think that I could have chosen the family I was born into and the circumstances of my life (before incarnating in this body that is known as Rebekah in this lifetime). But thinking that all is random and meaningless is simply not an option for me, nor is it for most of us. We all would like to believe that we are here for a reason and that everything happens for a reason.


So how do we explain poverty, racism, discrimination, sexual abuse and slavery, war, scapegoating, bullying, and the myriad fractal forms of darkness present in our world today? Why would humanity collectively and individually choose to experience separation, fear, hatred, hierarchy, manipulation, deceit, lack? And why don’t we all get together and choose love, peace, joy, harmony, beauty, and abundance? Because we do have the power to create the world we want. What do we all want? And what is keeping us from creating a life of love, ease, and beauty for self and for our communities?

Man bench March2015

From a spiritual perspective, and from my personal experience, I believe that harsh experiences break us open, digging deep into our psyche. Pain and suffering give us a choice. We can open our hearts and learn love and compassion, or, conversely, we can contract our intestines until they boil with resentment, hatred, and vicious anger, curl our hands into claws and fists, and generally become a miserable person who wants to bring everyone down with him or her. We all know this person who wants everyone around her to take responsibility for her own helplessness, fear, and pain.


From a very banal perspective, I do believe that our social and cultural constructs are created very intentionally to divide human beings into social, cultural, economic, and racial groups. Some are rich, some are poor. Some are beautiful, some are ugly. Some are powerful, some are weak. By dividing people, those elites in power get to stay where they are and enjoy limitless wealth, pleasure, and freedom while everyone else is distracted by these class, racial, social, and economic divisions.


The relatively wealthy or privileged people in any society are trained to believe that they are somehow more special or more important than those who are designated as less important. Just like in the book and movie series, The Hunger Games, the elites at Capital City at the top of the ladder need a hierarchy to keep their privileges intact. Some of those serving them enjoy a lot of privileges. Some less. Each circle of the slaves is suspicious of the others because of these privileges. This is what keeps the system going, preventing all of the people from uniting and realizing that together they could overpower the elites who use and manipulate them through fear. The Hunger Games is a very accurate description of American culture. It is not dystopian fiction. It is realistic non-fiction portrayed in barely disguised metaphoric imagery.


Therefore, the society itself is designed around a racist and classist construct which incorporates as a necessary ingredient cognitive dissonance. From a spiritual perspective, everyone involved is being manipulated, from the privileged to the poor scapegoat…but people rarely see it, because they want to blame someone and to keep things going as they are. The only way to true freedom is to escape from the matrix and to take responsibility for your own life and not allow yourself to be defined by the program. The wealthy are full of emotional poison. Often, we tend to think only poor people or minorities struggle with emotional issues. The truth is that every human being on Earth has been conditioned by the social program, or the matrix. Some have freed themselves, but only a relative few have done this work. the number of the free is growing, however.  Privileged people are less likely to see the light, because they have less incentive to leave the matrix and find true freedom by discovering the true nature of reality.


It is not easy to take responsibility for your own life and to heal your emotional body from the accumulated poisons that have been injected into you since birth by family, school, media…by everyone with whom you make contact. Freedom from racism, freedom from pain mean letting go of being a victim. You can no longer blame anyone or anything for your problems or for your pain. You do get to recognize the pain and where it came from, and then you can let it go and choose to create something else for your life. Unless you consciously choose to experience pain.

Afghani girl

The subconscious mind is very powerful. When we are living in the matrix and conforming our identity to what we are told we are, whether it be white and privileged or poor and black, all of the pain, resentment, confusion, and lies are stored in the subconscious mind. Cognitive dissonance appears when people find ways of justifying ways of living and behaving towards other people that would otherwise be horrifying and completely unacceptable. Bullies, torturers, racists, those who prostitute or enslave others, as well as ordinary citizens all make liberal use of cognitive dissonance. By treating another human being, who by nature is born equal to all others, as less than self and being able to continue living peacefully with self requires either radical honesty with self, or stuffing that discomfort into the subconscious mind and using cognitive dissonance to make it OK.


In reality, every single human being is equally important and equally valuable. There is no human being who is more powerful or more beautiful than any other human being on Earth. This is truth. The matrix or the social illusion into which we are introduced shortly after birth conditions each and every one of us, forcing us into codependency. Some are powerful, some are victims. We all hate and judge self and others. There is no personal responsibility. We forget who we are. Some suffer more than others, but we have all chosen to be here for these experiences.


I personally believe that the experience of separation (of being a living creature in a physical body for a period of time) is a difficult but powerful one. It seems so real, but it is a game in which we engage. It is a powerful challenge. In separation, it is hard to remember who we are. And who are we? We are all little pieces of the life force that we call God. We choose to separate off from the source creator to live as mini creators or artists of our lives. We are never victims, even though it often feels that way.


A person who is born into poverty, a person who is born black or brown in America chooses a particularly difficult challenge. A person who chooses to incarnate into a family that is alcoholic or that abuses you sexually has also chosen a very difficult challenge. What is the most difficult part of these life plans? Because we don’t remember that our true nature is love itself, and that we in essence are light and love, we feel lonely hurt, and unloved. We go outside of self to seek help, comfort, some way to forget our pain. And so we spiral down into drama, depression, anger, fear, self-hatred, addictions, possibly violence.


How many people who are struggling with poverty, drug addiction are able to see how powerful they really are? How many people who have been locked in closets beaten with extension cords, who went all day hungry as kids with no one to comfort them are realizing how beautiful they are? My guess is very few. But some do get to the other side of pain. Some of us realize that even though our parents did not and could not love us, that we have all of the love we need. No one outside of us can give it to us. We are love. It is literally who we are. No one can take that light or love away from us, once we realize that we are so very beautiful and perfect.


People who are born into privilege have chosen different challenges. They think they have it all, but they are still living a lie. They don’t know the truth –  that abundance is love, not things. It is not outside of us. The truth is inside. Because we are all in separation with an endless variety of stories, we can wonder how many of us will eventually realize that we are all one beautiful being? That human consciousness and love are the true super power of the human being?

light body

So people can continue to react to one another and play out the matrix program, or we can wake up and realize that we are all perfect, beautiful, free, and full of love by nature. Our life is a gift. A poor person born in a ghetto with brown skin is as magnificent and powerful as a person born into a mansion with white skin. There is absolutely no difference between us.

emotional body map

Self love is the key to mastery. Every person harbors darkness in his or her subconscious mind. Every person’s emotional body is covered with wounds and scars. We each have the possibility to let go of the social brainwashing program and to learn to love self and take responsibility for our own life. If we each do this challenging work, we can also heal the collective and even heal our family and ancestors. We can’t do the work for others, but we can all help release negativity, fear, pain, lack, doubt, frustration, anger, violence to make room for more light. We can all take responsibility by refusing cognitive dissonance, refusing to make excuses for bad behavior and lack of love. We suddenly see that lack of love and compassion for others is also lack of self-love. By becoming a beacon of light which expands around self, we inspire others. Light is contagious.

I am love

Today we live in a world that seems full of chaos and violence. It is a world in which people allow themselves to be swirled into a turmoil of manipulation, victimization, blaming, shaming, judging self and others. A little self-love and self-responsibility go a long way. Going inside is the only way to heal the world. I’m doing my work, and I know it makes a difference.

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