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Writing Off Conditioning: How to Let Go of the Dream Your Parents Created for You


Hello readers,

I read a lot about human nature and experience, because I have always wanted to understand why people do what they do.  We have all been conditioned by our families, by the culture and society in which we live, to be a certain self.  And, for the most part, we identify with that self until the day we die.  Our parents give us a name, and plant the seeds of a dream that they have for us.  And they have to do this.

Our job as our parents’ children is to let go of that dream, of that story into which they set us as a character, and begin to create our own story.  The key is letting the ego move downstairs to a lesser station so that the higher self can flourish.

What is the “higher self”?, you might ask.  It is a good question.  “And why can’t the ego personality that the world created for me be creative and productive in the world?”  The “higher self” is something that we each contain.  It is a portal to infinite potential energy, to joy, love, and the present moment.  The ego makes us each feel separate and as if we must compete and struggle with one another in order to survive and climb a certain ladder to success.  The “higher self”, however, embraces everyone and everything.  It is selfless, paradoxically, and it knows that each and every choice it makes has consequences that touch everything in the Universe.  The “higher self”, in essence, is the spark, the energetic component that is what makes up life.  The ego is just an image – a creation of our parents- that we accept for ourselves, because we have not been taught otherwise.

Primitive Moment, India ink on bristol board, April 2013

Primitive Moment, India ink on bristol board, April 2013

It is hard to go against the collective dream, because everyone has invested so much in their ego self.  If each of us was to relinquish our ego self, what would happen?  We would let go of fear of controlling everything and every circumstance in our lives. We would release worry to the sky.  We would stop watching news reports that spread fear.  In fact, the fear mongering activities that constitute the majority of our society’s occupations would have no public and cease to exist.  Everyone would be a creator, listening carefully to his or her inner voice.  The reason that the ego personality that our parents and society created for us cannot be infinitely creative is because it is limited by fear.  We keep losing energy when we identify with the ego, and we don’t know why.  We give away our personal power to others, and the negativity of other people and of the world at large permeates the resonance of our being.  Eventually, we appear drained, we substitute food, drugs, alcohol, electronic devices for joy or wonder – for life itself.  We become the living dead.

However, if we could only sit still for just a few moments at a time, with no electronic devices in hand, no candy bars stuffed in our mouths, we just might begin to realize that we each do have a purpose of our very own.

It has taken me a very long time to realize that the dream that my mother planted in me when I was just a baby, was not my own dream.  I had held it and cherished it for so long that I was certain that it was my own.  But today, I am not so sure.  The Universal intelligence of life has been trying to nudge me for a long time, to tell me that the thoughts in my head were not quite in keeping with my own dream – the one I chose for myself before I came to this particular spot on Earth to live this flash in the pan that I call my life.

I have two degrees in Fine Arts – painting, drawing, printmaking, and the like.  I love art.  I love to paint and draw.  Yet, as time goes on, I am beginning to realize that writing is my lost vocation.  When I was in elementary school, I loved creative writing, and I discovered the joys of reading.  Reading and books, writing – these have been the mainstays of my peripheral life for the last fourteen years, yet I never really noticed that fact until recently.  I have worked as a writer translator, in a rare bookstore, in a public library – something or someone was trying to tell me that I had buried my dream somewhere, while I was out in the world “struggling” to make my mother’s dream work.  The dream that I thought was my own.

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t regret my meandering, stumbling path through life.  Learning to be a visual artist and knowing deeply and personally what that involves has informed my entire lifetime so far.  This is going to help me as a writer, and it helps me in my inner visualizations on my spiritual path.  For spirituality (not religion – underscoring – not religion), are up there in my passion interest areas.  So, from now on, I have placed at the top of my priority list –  loving myself, my spiritual practices – learning to meditate, developing my senses and ability to appreciate and live in the present moment, connecting to my spirit guides and listening to the voices of wisdom that surround me…

I am beginning to understand how important it is to simply enjoy life.  To enjoy myself, my talents, and to surrender those talents to the world.  Not get focused on goals and put pressure on myself about success or lack thereof.  To simply embrace the freedom and joy of being myself in this world.  To raise up my own energy in love and compassion – which, because we are all connected – already is contributing to raising the vibration of my home, my family, my neighborhood, the city in which I live – and the world at large.

Just imagine if all of us humans were working on doing the same – all simultaneously.  The joy would be palpable.  Right now, we collectively feel the fear, trepidation that surrounds us all.  We are creating it –  together as humanity.  Remember that, and also remember that it does not have to be that way.  Choose your dreams carefully.  Listen to your heart.  It sounds like a cliche, but cliches do always contain a grain of truth.  My heart is telling me to write, not to worry about the subject or content – just write.

So here I am, and there you are.  Thank you, readers!

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