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Soul contracts and “bad relationships”

soul contracts

Dearest readers,

We have all been conditioned to feel as if we are either lucky or unlucky in love, but I personally believe that luck has nothing to do with how our relationships turn out. Nor, most likely, does love have much to do with what we call romantic encounters either!

What’s love got to do with it?

The reason I say that luck has nothing to do with our love life is because I believe that we make choices in the physical and non-physical realms. These choices determine how we experience reality in our physical or incarnated lifetimes here on Earth.  Every relationship is a mirror for our inner state and is a gift as such, because it can show us (if we accept it as a reflection) where we are on our personal path of self-growth and evolution.

Self love is key!

How many of us have learned to fully love and embrace ourselves? It is a commonplace truism to say that “we cannot love another if we don’t fully love ourselves”. But what does that really mean? If I constantly attract people into my life as romantic partners who are selfish, immature, narcissistic, who have problems with addiction, financial independence, controlling their temper, or any issue that might bring chaos or disrespect into a relationship, do I ask myself where I am lacking love and respect for myself in my own life?

What are soul contracts?

I believe that before we are born (decide to come to Earth or some other planet and live in a lower density physical vehicle that we call a body), our soul and its soul group and guides get together to create a life plan. The soul is immortal and has lived an uncountable number of lifetimes, just for the fun, suffering, and multitude of experiences that incarnations have to offer. We are not limited in our identity to our gender, race, appearance, sexual orientation, that our body offers in this single lifetime.

The soul group decides upon and seals a certain number of agreements that we choose to experience in this lifetime. There is still some free will involved, and how we respond to each encounter and situation will determine how our lifetime unfolds. Relationships are included in these soul contracts. These include our parents, siblings, relatives, coworkers, friends, and romantic partners and spouses.

What is a “bad” relationship?

In human terms, we don’t like to suffer. We want to be happy. Happiness generally means getting our way, from a human perspective. The ego always wants what it wants, and it does NOT want to suffer. The soul begs to differ. The soul does not judge anyone or anything. There is no such thing as a good or bad relationship from a soul’s perspective. Every experience, every relationship is an opportunity to love self and others more, and to gain more mastery over self – thoughts, emotions, intentions, and choice making abilities.

From our human point-of-view, a bad relationship is one in which we have been abandoned, or where our needs have not been met. It is a relationship where we feel alone, or where we are abused or feel afraid. Yet do we ever ask ourselves why we ever agreed to be with a person who makes us feel less than loved and respected?

The answer to these questions is simple. No one can make us do or experience anything that we do not agree to experience. If we are hurt or choose to live in fear or with abuse and disrespect, it is because we don’t yet love and respect self fully. And that’s OK. It’s a learning curve, and “bad” relationships are our best teachers.

Say thank-you and move on!

Once I realize that I create my own reality and that I am an empowered immortal being of light, any relationship on the human plane takes on a different aspect. Now that I know I am a sovereign creator and artist of my own reality at any given moment, I constantly remind myself how amazing it is to be alive. I am so grateful for all experiences, and I am learning constantly how to be thankful when unpleasant people, triggering experiences, and frustration come along.

This isn’t easy for any of us, but it wasn’t meant to be easy!

Once the realization seeps deep down into the fabric of our being, we finally wake up and think, “Wow! I can actually experience anything I want, if only I can truly love and respect myself and all that is!”

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Be it ’til you see it: thoughts on the process of manifestation


bleeding heart

Hello dearest readers,

Over the years, anyone in mainstream culture or those you are interested in things of the spirit can only be aware of the attention given to the law of attraction. Fake it ’til you make it is a truism that is equally common. If you pretend you already are or have what you want, then this state of awareness will eventually trickle down into your lower frequency physical reality. Basically, thoughts and emotions are forms of energy which exist on a certain plane, and the so-called physical plane is simply a more dense form or mirror of the emotional, mental, and spiritual planes.

When Nicolas Tesla famously declared that everything is energy, frequency, and vibration, he obviously understood the true nature of reality. Everything that ever was, is, or will be coexists right now in energetic form. There is no separation of anything. Nothing is ever lost or gained.

Yet the experiences of limitation we choose to live out here on Earth are so realistic! The game of life and the game of being human are expressions of limitation in density that our soul or Higher Aspect chooses to experience in order to provide opportunities for mastery of thoughts, emotions, choices, and intentions while living under duress.

Being human is a paradoxical situation. We are all powerful creators of realities living in a very narrow state of expression. It is as if we have amnesia and must try to remember what we once knew and lived with ease. Manifestation of our thoughts, desires, and dreams is second nature to us in the higher planes. But here on Earth, in the lower densities, it becomes difficult. We struggle, we resist our circumstances, we fear outcomes and worry that we won’t be able to survive and protect our physical bodies and possessions. The more we struggle and worry, the more challenging our circumstances or experiences become.

Which is why being human is such a gift. Because it is so challenging, and because in the lower densities taking care of a physical body and a family demand so much of us.

And so, in the name of remembering who I really am – a soul or fragment of the source creator – I declare that I will be what I want to experience until that energy signature of joy, abundance, peace, and well-being translates into the mirror of the physical plane.

There is a delay between thought, emotion, and manifestation in the physical plane because of the variation in frequencies between thought, emotion, intention, and that of our physical bodies and their surroundings. The whole point of the ascension process is to recalibrate our physical bodies and to bring them up to the same vibrational level as that of our soul expression. The process of purging conditioned thoughts, belief systems, emotional trauma that is seated in the body (mental, physical, and emotional as well as in the energetic or light body – toroidal field that surrounds every human being) is a long and challenging one.

Which is why manifestation of our thoughts, desires, and intentions is not as easy as it seems it should be. To experience joy, you have to be joyful and truly feel joyful. You can’t fake that, and faking joy will not bring a true experience of joy into your life. The feelings that accompany abundance, ease, joy, patience, calm or whatever we wish to embody must be actually felt in order for the results to manifest in the so-called physical world. The light body, which is an extension of our chakra system and DNA, is the interface between our material self and all of the non-physical realms.

We are all constantly creating our reality, manifesting perfectly the results that match the frequencies of our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and the level of self-love we currently feel and express. In this, we are all perfectly powerful.

However, if you or I does not like or enjoy the reality we have created, then we have the ability to shift to a different reality by examining and changing the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and intentions we are holding to a new set that is more harmoniously aligned with that which we would prefer to experience.

From my perspective, this is the hardest part. If I wish to be an entrepreneur and not have a conventional job anymore, then I need to examine what is holding me back from realizing this dream. Am I afraid of not making enough money or the lack of stability or security that may ensue from being my own boss? Do I lack self-love or self-worth and believe that I don’t deserve to be successful? There are so many unconscious thoughts and beliefs as well as emotions that need to be examined carefully and of which I need to be aware if I wish to shift my experience of reality.

I know I am completely responsible for my experiences of reality in this dimension, and I own that. There are things about my life that I don’t really like right now. I want to work from home full-time as an artist, so that I can be present for my dog and do the work I love to do.  I am working on feeling the joy and security that abundance gained from enjoyable creative work would bring. I am also working on self-confidence, needed to promote my work and to command the commission fees I need in order to pay my bills. There are practical as well as spiritual aspects to manifestation. The emotional aspects and unconscious beliefs and conditioned thought patterns are not often broached in pop culture talks and lectures about the law of attraction.

Everything in life is about mastery. Mastery of our thoughts, emotions, desires, choices, intentions. What we achieve in this world is illusory. The true goal is to be. Simply to be. Pure of heart. Peaceful. Joyful and enjoying each experience that comes our way with gratitude and non-judgment. It’s not easy. It’s a process that is meaningful and which brings its own rewards.

We live in a very goal-oriented culture in the United States. There is a lot of emphasis put on status and on achievement, as well as on doing rather than being.  A friend of mine from my book club told me the other day that she is now focusing more on being. Her husband of at least 50 years is dying of a rare form of dementia. He is not able to speak or communicate. Yet all of the people in the home where he was staying were moved to tears and expressed so much love for him when he had to move out to go to hospice. His energy of peace, gentleness, and love was so pervasive despite his inability to move, communicate, or do anything. This is what I am talking about.

So be love until you see love mirrored in your life experiences. What more could any of us want?


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The End of the Transhumanist Agenda: How we choose


Dearest readers,

I have taken a break from blogging for a while, though ideas for posts keep coming to me. As a lightworker/starseed, the awakening and ascension process for humanity and the planet preoccupies a lot of my waking and probably my sleeping life as well.

At this point in our collective experience of 3-D life on Earth, I believe that humanity has reached a very clear choice point. Lightworkers have been expressing this state of affairs for some time, but now it is out in the open. A variety of films and TV shows present our reality as multi-dimensional and illusory, and the obvious (to some of us) presence of sentient and advanced life forms throughout the universe or multiverse are also being introduced to the public at large. The choice is this: Do we stay on the 3-D track of duality, ego, fear, mind control, materialism, and artificial intelligence and allow ourselves to become part of the Transhumanist agenda and the Internet of Things, or do we choose to leap to a higher level of consciousness characterized by unity, creativity love, harmony, expansiveness, inclusiveness, personal freedom, and flow?

The corporations who run the hallucination that we currently mostly accept as the only reality have very carefully been programming their human subjects to embrace A.I. in all of its forms. The addiction to cellphones, social media programming, body shaming, artificial foods and medications, and all of the aspects of destructive behaviors created by the current system are intentional. The goal is to keep all human beings separate from one another and disconnected from inner lives and our innate ability to connect to the consciousness of all things and all beings anywhere in the Universe. For example, by instilling a hatred of the natural human body through constant judgment, and by encouraging people to change their bodies and compare their bodies to those modeled on various media, the eventual segue (as seen in shows such as Black Mirror on Netflix) is that people are being conditioned to accept to live in very realistic virtual bodies and virtual relationships on technological platforms.


The truth is, while the Internet is a nifty tool, it is also ultimately unnecessary once our DNA awakens and we shift out of duality. As are all of the other technological devices that were created to replace the abilities with which all human beings are born. The ascension process is one of remembering and awakening to these innate abilities. Love and the expansion of our natural energy fields through higher vibrational thoughts, feelings, and intentions strengthens our field and shields us from EMFs, toxic “foods”, chemicals, thoughts, programming, etc.

Which is why the “news” or mind control programming works so hard to keep people in fear. Being in a state of fear or lower consciousness makes us very vulnerable to psychic attack, disease, and manipulation. The so-called terrorist attacks, wars, reports of criminal behavior, racism, use of privilege and deprivation are all very intentional. People who are divided against one another cannot unite in higher consciousness. By being constantly distracted by media and cellphones, we not only separate from other humans, but we are also constantly distracted from our own Higher Self or intuitive connection to the divine spark that is in each of us. We are never victims; we all have choices to make – whether consciously or unconsciously.

We are living in a very special and exciting time. All experiences are valuable, and not one is better or more appropriate than another. We each make the best choice for ourselves. In higher consciousness, unlike duality, there is no good or evil, light or dark. There is no judgment. Only acceptance. For in unity or “christed” (meaning unity) consciousness, as in the yin-yang symbol, dark and light are two sides to the same unified creation. It will be a great relief for those of us who finally make it through the long purging process to the other side of duality.

Leaving behind all of the belief systems and conditioning which have informed our limited human experiences here on Earth is indeed a painful process involving much dedication, strength, and courage. There are many brave souls on Earth at this time. We are all here, each in our own way, to support the planet, and all of her creatures.

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Healing from image addiction

rainbow body 2

Dearest readers,

As we move deeper into the ascension process, awakening from thousands of years of trauma, mind control, psychic attacks, and inter-generational familial and institutional emotional, mental, and physical abuse and neglect, it is time to take stock.

All human beings across the planet are deeply wounded on multiple levels and dimensions. It is time to heal those wounds. The conditioning of the human being to live in constant fear, hatred of self and others, and in a system of separation where we are taught to constantly judge self and others is coming to an end. But abuse and inter-generational trauma don’t just disappear.


On social media, so many people – men, women, and children, pretend to live “happy” lives. Creating images of perfection, of beauty, of happiness that are intended to impress others. Displaying designer bodies, homes, clothes, hair, make-up. Trying to impress others with money, power, success. What I see are deep wounds, insecurity, pain, and fear of abandonment. Lack of self-love and the inability to see that our power lies within. The conditioned human being sees perfection outside of the natural self. So many young women run after relationships with inappropriate partners who have nothing to offer, neglecting their own children and perpetuating the cycle of abuse, neglect, and lack.

lonely library

I have written many times on this blog about codependency, which is the norm of relationship in a dysfunctional, dualistic world where everyone is polarized. Rising to a higher level of consciousness means taking responsibility for self and for our own healing. Unity consciousness means that everything and everyone are equally important, and there is no longer any judgment because perfection is innate and is not something to be acquired, worked for, or given by someone else. In unity consciousness, we no longer give away our power to authority figures, to romantic partners, to doctors or healers, or to religious leaders. No one is higher than self, and no one else is more or less important than self. In unity, there is harmony. No one need get offended by any comment, and there is no need to be “liked” or “followed” by anyone as we express our inner truths.


Many people still do not realize that humanity has been and is still enslaved to a power that uses sophisticated technologies to track our every move, to control our thoughts and our emotions. Negative, self-defeating thoughts as well as violent, aggressive thoughts are planted intentionally in our consciousness that we may react to them and cause more harm and fear in the world. Our water, soil, food supplies have been purposefully contaminated to poison our bodies and our minds. We are surrounded by electromagnetic frequencies which interrupt our connection to the Earth and to the divine. Every effort has been made to disempower us and to disconnect us from our true selves. The awakening is a process of remembering who we truly are and how powerful we are.


These thousands of years, perhaps millions of years, of slavery, abuse, torture, and emotional manipulation have deeply scarred the human psyche. Today, we suffer from physical ailments as well as mental and emotional disease. We are weakened and exhausted from the constant stress of living in separation, poverty, lack of emotional support, lack of love, and lack of a healthy environment. It is very distressing to think that many still believe that this is the only reality, clinging to this dysfunctional artificial system of torture.

beautiful bird

It is up to each of us to wake up and to take charge of our own healing and our own lives, and to imagine New Earth – the sort of place and reality in which we want to live, raise our children, and thrive. Human consciousness is so extremely powerful, yet we are very emotionally sensitive beings. Taking charge of our emotions and healing our emotional bodies, I believe, is key to help humanity move out of the bondage of the lower realms and its overlords. Beautiful, radiant jewels of light are the essence of our true being. We are the energy of love, but we have been taught to survive in darkness, never seeing our own light. Taught to reach for stars that are artificial and that would burn us if we could ever reach the image of perfection that is dangled before us, while we crash and burn behind the scenes, suffering from addictions, eating disorders, bullying and self-harming, neglect and abuse of those whom we should love and cherish.

Self-love is the key to recovery. Turn off TVs, computers, hand-held devices. Go into nature and sit quietly. Remember who you are. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You are a creator of any reality in which you want to live. It’s time to thrive.




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Women and self-love

frances cannon art

Dearest readers,

Why is it so easy to love a dog, a cat, a flower, even a dress, a tree but so hard to love yourself? Why are humans so hard to love?

Women always talk about looking for love, but love is not something that exists outside of self. The nature of reality is love, because love is creative energy. When we give our power away, we also give away our power to create. When we go looking for love outside of ourselves, we give away our ability to love self and others in an authentic way.


So it comes back to one simple fact. Almost all human beings, whether or not it is conscious or admitted, think that there is something missing from their lives and from their reality. That happiness is always around the corner but not present with them in each moment.

It is by changing this perception of reality and by realizing that we actually create our experience of reality with every breath, every thought, every emotion that we feel that shifts our ability to be happy and to love and accept our self as we are right now.

Women spend fortunes on potions, creams, make-up, clothes, plastic surgery in order to “improve” on the way they look and to improve their prospects to attract “love” and to preserve their youth. All of this is a waste of resources and energy.

rosie by tim okamura

When we love ourselves, we look radiant. When we are in love with self (not in a narcissistic way, but in a compassionate way), we give thanks for the opportunity to be on Earth exactly as we are, right now. I regularly thank the cells in my body, even the water in my body, and for the opportunity to be on Earth at this special time in human history – as we shift from duality and a lower level of consciousness based on ego and separation into a reality based on unity, love of self and others, respect, peace, balance, harmony, and joy.

frida kahlo

Women spend so much time and energy speculating about relationships and why and how a love interest behaves the way they do. If we love ourselves and honor and respect our own boundaries as well as those of others, we clearly discern whether or not we are being treated as we deserve to be treated. What does it feel like to be loved and respected? The answer is simple. It feels easy and it feels good. There is no conflict, no duality, no wondering as to whether or not he or she will or should call or treat us to this or that. When we give ourselves what we need to be happy, and when we set clear boundaries, everything else is icing on the cake, and other people automatically earn the right to be themselves too.

helen frankenthaler

Self-love and self-care are so important in the times in which we are living. It is challenging to heal from the post-traumatic stress caused by millennia of harsh conditioning, imposed negativity, isolation, and abuse. But it is up to us, both women and men, to learn to love and honor ourselves, to open our hearts, and to take full responsibility for our lives.

Animals and plants are easy to love because they have no conditions. They are always living in full alignment with their nature. They don’t pretend, and they don’t hold back. Human beings, conversely, are always trying to use one another, cheat one another, manipulate and control one another. We should model ourselves after the simplicity and  honesty of plants and animals. In the New World that is coming, and it will arrive more quickly if we create it more intentionally, simplicity and honesty will prime over manipulation, control, power, and pretense. It is time to choose the world in which we want to live. It is time to create that world, and it is time to heal ourselves.

harmonia rosales

On New Earth, we won’t need make-up, and there won’t be hookups. Men and women will be free to be themselves, and there won’t be a need to create drama in relationships. The time for honesty with self and others is here, and it is time to heal ourselves from the trauma of the past. No one is responsible for our pain, and it is time to give thanks for all of the experiences over many lifetimes which have challenged us and pushed our limits farther than we thought we could manage or survive. It is time to unpack all of these experiences and the laws, rules, restrictions, the pain, the suffering, the regret, the shame, the judgment of self and others and to re-examine what it all means. It is time to open our hearts and our emotional bodies as well as our mental bodies and to sort out all of the thoughts and experiences and see how they make us feel. It is time to live in our bodies and to take our bodies seriously by carefully listening to each message from every cell. It is time to return to truth and to the beauty of truth.

sallyedelstein collage

Ladies, we are all beautiful, and we each chose the body that was perfect for the lifetime we are living now. We chose it in every detail before deciding to be born into this body. We chose our families too, in all of their dysfunctional splendor. And none of these aspects are handicaps in any way. We chose to come to Earth to live specific experiences and to learn to love self and others. We came to Earth to bring others the gift of our unique self and talents. Let’s try to use our power to create beauty, abundance, peace, prosperity, and joy. Being human is complex, but it is also simple.


We are each a universe, and we are made out of love – the ultimate creative energy. Let’s use that energy to build something wonderful!

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Remedies for loneliness: the importance of sharing and intimacy

bright night

Dearest readers,

An unforeseen and preventable tragedy recently occurred in my work place. One of my younger coworkers, M. (aged 27) took his own life during the holiday break. He was a quiet young man. Respectful, thoughtful, intelligent. A model employee who was always on time and who played by the rules. His college major was psychology. He had married in 2018 and on the surface, appeared to have a well-ordered and happy life. He had once shared with me that he suffered from extreme insomnia and had never found a remedy that worked for him. His father, who also works for our same company, is a man of conservative views, and I recently found out that the family are Seventh Day Adventists and that the children were both  home schooled.


M. liked cosplay, trap music, and Japanese culture. He had a gentle energy about him, and I always felt that he was different from his family, even though I didn’t objectively know much about them or about him. I can always tell if someone is a starseed, and I knew that M. was, though he was completely unaware of the fact, I am certain. Many of our coworkers as well as myself suspected that M. was gay. A people pleaser, he most likely wanted to be a good son and make his family proud. Was the pressure so intense that he suppressed this part of himself, marrying and trying to lead a “normal” life so as not to disappoint those who raised him? We can’t know, and all we can do is speculate.


However, my reflections on the premature loss of M. from this world and from my workplace (he sat directly across from me), have lead me to a few conclusions.

All of us, as human beings, want to be loved, seen, acknowledged, accepted and celebrated for who we truly are. Most of us are concealing parts of ourselves or pretending to be other than who we are. Perhaps because we feel we are not sufficiently lovable if we are true to our authentic urges and to our original divine template. Every human being on the Earth has been conditioned to adapt to family and cultural values, which means that all of us from early childhood onward, have been forced to repress great chunks of our being, of our deepest urges, desires, emotions and thoughts, burying them deep in our psyches. Shame and conformity play a huge role in social organization and values throughout all of our society’s institutions: schools, religions, government, family, etc.

automat by edward hopper

For every aspect and fragment of self that we repress, we lose energy, vitality, and our lives and communities suffer for this loss…whether or not we are aware of this tragic suppression. When we examine our families, cities, our human communities, we see crime, poverty, duality, racism, illness, depression, anxiety, and people not using their innate creative abilities to bring about the highest outcomes of abundance, well-being, peace, and prosperity for self and others. The truth is that the outer world is a mere reflection of what goes on inside of our hearts and minds. If we learn to heal our own lives, the collective experience of humanity will automatically improve and become more loving, open, and compassionate.

cyber loneliness

In order to heal from all of this suppression, separation, loneliness, polarization, we must return to authenticity and take full responsibility for our own lives and happiness. No one else has the power to make us happy. We each have everything it takes to be whole, to be loved. We are love by nature, and every human being is a powerful creator of realities. We are each the artists and creators of our own lives, happy or unhappy. We choose the life we want by looking inward, by examining each of our thoughts, emotions, integrating, examining what is right and what feels good and discarding what is out of alignment and what feels bad. This is a long and complex process. We can help one another by being more open about our own healing process. As we return to oneness from duality and separation, we end loneliness and despair by being brave enough to share with others.


To be authentic and whole, we must each choose to learn to be honest and wholehearted. All of the energies that have been suppressed for thousands of years have been rising to the surface in our individual and collective lives to be healed. It is time for the global human community to awaken and to take responsibility for our reality, personal and collective. To take responsibility, we must each be aware of who we are and what we are carrying.

vincent van gogh


Once we are aware of all of the suppressed energies and desires, we must learn to integrate them into our conscious personalities and lives. We must give up the images that we create to impress one another and learn to be human once again. I always give thanks for the experiences of pain, suppression, duality, negative thoughts and emotions before energetically transforming their energies into conscious light energy and accepting the new energy and healing into my soul.


It is difficult to be human. But once we begin to share our troubles, experiences, hardships, challenges with others, we realize that we are not alone. Everyone has challenges in their lives, and our lives are all inter-connected. The flow and grace of the life force, and the intelligence of spirit always puts us within reach of people whose experiences are calibrated to our own, to books, videos, content which is ready, if we so choose, to share the information and emotional support we need to grow and integrate the parts of ourselves we have been suppressing.

girl with demon


By sharing and by accepting our own vulnerability, we can recognize our own humanity and that of others. By seeing how hard it is to be human, we can learn to stop judging and envying other people for the lives and abundance they seem to enjoy on the surface and begin to create real intimacy with other human beings. Loneliness ends where the courage to be openly vulnerable begins.


The fake joy and prosperity that abounds in images on the Internet and social media is just that: images. People create images because in a world of ego and duality, everything is about power, control, and manipulation. Image or persona is a fake shield that people create and parade to show that they are strong and impenetrable, when beneath this shield, the façade reveals a vulnerable and frightened child who has given away so much of his or her personal power and original authenticity.

syrian mural refugee camp joel artista

In reality, we are always whole and perfect, but we come to Earth to experience what it is to be human. It is a glorious and extremely difficult choice. We choose to live a small portion of our experiences as limited human beings, and this is a powerful choice, because it is so very difficult to be deprived of full awareness of how beautiful and powerful we are as creator beings. We come to Earth where we experience victimization, solitude, pain, disease, longing, war, imprisonment, injustice, hardships of all kinds. But also beauty, friendship, love, generosity, elation, art, music, and the magnificence of nature.

rainbow hands

I believe that no matter what each of us is going through, we are more powerful when we are truly honest with ourselves and when we share with one another in a completely open and authentic way. It is not always easy to share and to be open, because many people are locked down into their solitude. The best way, in my opinion, is not to ask another person what they are going through, but to use your own intuition and share something personal about yourself. You don’t know how this gift will affect another person, but it just might save their life and help them to look at their own life and gifts in a new way.

At work, at school, somewhere in your community or your family, you have been placed where you are for a reason. You have the wisdom, the experience, and the power to help and heal yourself and others just by being yourself and by sharing who you are. We are each a gift, and gifts must be shared to unlock their full potential.

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Triggered: Healing codependency through the ascension process


duality and emotional turmoil

Dearest readers,

Do you feel like the number of times that you are emotionally triggered has increased over the last few years, months, even days? If you do, you are not alone.

The ascension process is a gradual awakening of the human being, and a transition or healing process as well, taking us from a polarized state of duality to a more unified way of thinking, feeling, being, and doing. To experience unity consciousness, we must integrate the bits and pieces of ourselves and of our power that we have given away to others through victim consciousness and the myriad ways that the duality system has caused us to suffer and be cut off from our Higher Self as well as from other people and beings.


Every time I am triggered, I have to remind myself that the person or situation causing me to feel angry, upset, manipulated, cheated, hurt, or sad is an opportunity to get to know myself better and to take more responsibility for my own life. When I start to understand that this person or situation is not responsible for my personal unhappiness in that given moment and when I start to see myself and my role in that situation more clearly, I can integrate that new information and I become more mature and more able to face life confidently and with more love for myself and for others simultaneously.

Duality always presents an either/or outcome for every relationship, situation, and experience. It is either a good or bad experience. A person is good or bad. We are always judging self and others without even realizing it because we have been conditioned from a very young age to do so, and this conditioning is constantly reinforced by family, school, work, society, entertainment, etc. Codependency is a system of relationship in which we are never truly sovereign beings. We are never responsible for our own pain or failure, and we either are trained to blame others for our suffering or to hold it in and punish ourselves, playing the martyr.

Vasilis Avramidis painting

Unity consciousness and the ascension process give us a way out and above all, a way up. Higher consciousness and thinking mean that we no longer have to spin in circles, endlessly repeating the same experiences with different people that all have the same outcomes. Why do so many marriages end in divorce? Why is there so much violence in our societies? Why so much domestic violence, bullying, suicide, child abuse, incest, theft, manipulation, drug and alcohol abuse?

All of these behaviors are symptoms of duality and codependency. Where there is shame and judgment from birth onwards, we all are made to feel as if we are not whole and perfect as we are, innately. By being trained to seek love, perfection, and completion from outside of self from a very young age, we also learn to punish and judge self and others constantly and mercilessly. This process of auto-sado-mascochism and violence towards others can be healed by shifting to a higher level of consciousness.

Because we all carry so many wounds from self, family, society, and from our ancestors and lifetimes on other dimensions and timelines, there is a lot to heal and integrate. And we are living in a time of healing and revelation of all that has been suppressed. This is why everything appears so chaotic. There is an endless supply of triggers for all of us to “use” for our own benefit, and for the greater good of everyone and all that exists.

hybrid animal painting

As corruption and abuse is revealed on all levels of society and government, and where polarity seems to be exacerbated, we are all given much food for thought. All that has been hidden for so long is now coming to the surface to be integrated and rethought. We now are able to see how dark and distorted the world we have been given as our collective reality truly is, and we have the opportunity to see how powerful we are to change that collective experience. We are not victims, though we have been trained to think that way for eons. All human beings possess the ability to create whatever we can imagine.

Since we are trained to expect the worst of life, this is what we experience. Now we can change this and begin to love and appreciate ourselves. The nature of reality is extremely pliable. Our minds and hearts are the matter and crux of our personal and collective experiences of life. Once we shift our inner life perspective and start to focus on love of self and others, all while taking full responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, choices, actions, the “outer” reality will begin to quickly shift for all of us.

Codependency is a system of relationship that was artificially created to keep humanity in constant pain, confusion, and discomfort. It doesn’t have to be that way. Welcome the triggers. They are opportunities to shift from darkness and pain into ease and happiness. It is a process, and it takes a lot of work. It doesn’t happen overnight, the way people who spout off about the Law of Attraction seem to indicate. Humanity has been enslaved for thousands of years. All of us. Healing from this simply takes time, focused attention, effort, dedication, and hope.

duality painting

I’ll share a recent personal example of a pretty powerful trigger I experienced a few days ago. A coworker has been asking for financial contributions for her daughter, who is about to take a four day trip to NYC with her band class for a performance at Carnegie Hall. She is a single parent, but she does receive child support, and she has multiple streams of income. She has known about this trip for quite some time. The total cost of the trip is $1500. I am also a single parent, and I don’t receive any child support and have no other source of income other than my job. My son is in college overseas, and I have a lot of expenses for travel, insurance, etc. associated with supporting him.

I felt really uncomfortable when my coworker approached me and others, asking for money because I try so hard to be organized, independent, and responsible. I also know that my coworker gives a lot of money to charitable organizations and to her church. I found myself trying to judge her for her poor financial management and for her brazen requests for funds. Then I realized I needed to look within and learn what was causing these feelings of being triggered and upset.

I realized that within the codependent families I know (my own ) and those of friends, that we each play a different role within the codependent family system. One person is the responsible one, possibly the scapegoat. The person who can take care of him or herself and who never gets any help. The person who can be dumped on and who should carry the weight of the shadow for the whole family. Then there is the “poor me” victim and baby who never grows up and always is helpless and needs to be taken care of, long after they are physically mature adults. There are martyrs, victims, bullies, scapegoats in every codependent family.

As a middle child, I happened to be the scapegoat/responsible one. Everyone hated me so they didn’t have to hate themselves. And I never got help or helped when I needed it. So it is logical that this trigger should come up. A helpless person (who is an adult and who is not “really” helpless) asking the responsible one to take responsibility for her child’s trip because she is too disorganized to manage her finances properly!!!


As I turned the situation around and around in my head and heart, I realized that it was the residues of my own codependent upbringing that were coming up to be healed and resolved. I had told my coworker that I wouldn’t contribute to her fund. But more importantly, I realized that her issues are her own to heal, and that mine are my own. I don’t need to judge her and her financial management skills (or lack thereof). She will heal from her codependency when she is good and ready. Sometimes it’s OK to ask for help. And no, I’m not responsible for raising her kid. But I don’t need to feel angry or upset about it, though the trigger brought up the pain and indignation so I could feel it and remember how upsetting it is to be made to feel as though you are the one responsible for everyone else’s pain and discomfort. I know in my mind, and I have known for a long time, that this is not true. But to actually be at peace in one’s mind, body, heart all at the same time…that is true healing. When that trigger can come up again and I just feel peaceful inside…then I will know that I am healed in that area.

Naked Lunch Rimi Yang

These triggers that are coming up all over the place produce very challenging emotions and thoughts. I consider them to be gifts, and I hope that humanity will take these countless opportunities to heal ourselves and to heal our world. We are one family, and we are all perfect, as is. It is hard to be human, but it’s getting easier.

Welcome to New Earth, fellow human being. I wish you the very best on your journey, and I hope I can support you through my words of encouragement, understanding, and explorations of reality.

Ascension and Descension: the fall and the comeback



Dearest readers,

I find the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden extremely fascinating. In fact, I believe that this story contains the seeds of the current collective experience of humanity. The fall of humanity and the conscious choice of humanity to experience separation from oneness, God, or unity and to spiral downwards into an experience of ego, pain, separation, control, and lack instigated by a snake with feet or reptilian creature is a very interesting state of affairs.

snake with feet

In her children’s book series The Time Quintet, Madeleine L’Engle explores the nature of existence, quantum physics, and the true (hidden) story of human history. Often, her explorations draw references from Old Testament Bible tales. In the fourth book in the series, Many Waters, the most pragmatic and least metaphysical of the Murray family members twin brothers Sandy and Dennys travel back in time to what seems to be a Biblical era. In this time-space, angels, unicorns, and the seductive nephilim, which are extra-dimensional beings who can shape-shift but who have cut their connections with Source, all co-exist and share interpersonal relationships, including marriage with humans. Throughout the narrative, human beings are still connected to some degree to their innate powers and intuitive abilities, as they are still able to see and interact with higher dimensional beings.


I believe that the fallen angels or Nephilim, which some describe as giants and others as extraterrestrial beings, are somehow related to the reptilian beings who came to Earth. The “Fall” of humanity and disconnection of our consciousness from our initial place of unity with our Source Creator and with all that is, is recounted in the story of the Garden of Eden.

Today, while musing on this subject, I was guided to a video containing a live channeled message called The 9th Dimensional Lemurian Collective – Aspects of the Reptilian Agenda.

This message is fascinating and extremely relevant to the subject regarding the Fall and sheds much insight on the subject. It is a complex message about how and when a certain group of reptilian extraterrestrial beings came to the planetary being we call Earth, and how they “hijacked” human consciousness in order to resume their own ascension process. It is explained that human beings are naturally connected to our Source Creator, to the consciousness of the planet, and to the consciousness and cycles of our Sun.

We were living completely in unity and synchronized with the energies on our planet, with her plants and creatures, and with her consciousness until this “invading” force entered the scene. Thus the snake and the temptation at the Tree of Knowledge.

The fact that the Garden of Eden story contains a scene of temptation is also interesting. It means that we somehow were tricked into relinquishing our unity consciousness in exchange for a different experience, which would be the experience of separation from God and from our own innate connections to the consciousness of the planet, to experiences of pain and lack – such as painful childbirth and needing to work to make a living. Were we tricked, or did we make a choice? Much is made of the female being tempted, in an effort to demonize and blame the woman for the Fall.


The channeled message in the video does not reference the story of Adam and Eve, but she does explain that the reptilian beings needed to use human energy and consciousness for their own purposes. Not because they wanted to hurt us, but simply because they could not live on our planet without using our consciousness. And for whatever reason, they could not pursue their own ascension process on their home planet.


Like human beings, reptilian beings are diverse. Some are more evolved than others, spiritually-speaking. Intuitively, I have long felt that human beings are by nature kind, generous, and sensitive beings. Like the blue-skinned inhabitants of the film Avatar, I feel that we were once connected to Nature and able to connect to the consciousness of all creatures. The human beings who are “asleep” or in a low frequency state, are acting through the hijacked reptilian consciousness program which allows those who run the program to use our innate abilities, which are part of our DNA, to be creators of realities upon our planet.


Because more and more human beings are awakening and remembering what our true nature is, where we come from, and what our innate abilities are as creator beings connected to the consciousness of the planet and to the multiverse, it is becoming more difficult for the hijackers of our consciousness to keep the program running. Will the reptilians and their hybrids’ ability to keep using human consciousness for their own purposes come to an end? Will reptilians and human beings be able to both ascend on their own timelines? These eventualities remain to be seen.

Reptilian portrait-alien-nation-koch

Ascension and descension are spiral staircases in the loops of time-space. We can choose to go up and down these DNA-like ladders at any time, as our frequencies shift and flow with our thoughts and our emotions. If we choose as individuals and as a collective to shift to higher frequencies back to unity consciousness, we will automatically consider our reptilian “hijackers” to be our brothers and sisters in the cosmic family. In oneness, there are no enemies. There are just diverse experiences from which we grow and learn.

We could see this as a form of Stockholm Syndrome, but perhaps instead of falling in love with our captors, we could see it as falling in love with our true selves once again. And our true selves are in unity consciousness. With the Law of One guiding us, we realize that no one and nothing is separate from us or from anyone else. The true organic matrix is one in which the pattern includes all and excludes no one.

For additional information on these subjects, here are two very interesting videos with contrasting points of view on the artificial intelligence/alien agenda:


Solar Logos: Resurrecting the Solar Stargate System, Paliadorian Diamond Sun Races, and Disclosure

Re-introduction to the Reptilians



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Beyond the shadow of doubt: transformation of beliefs


Dearest readers,

Doubt is an integral part of the human experience. When we choose to incarnate on Earth, we choose separation from our true identity, which is love, unity, peace, and joy. We choose victimhood, or else we choose to be tyrants. We come to Earth to experience pain, fear, lack, and duality. Why in the world would anyone want to come to Earth, in spite of how beautiful and diverse our planet is?

When a higher level soul or being decides to incarnate on Earth in order to assist humanity or the consciousness of the planet, a step-down process is necessary in order to be born into a human body. The dimension of consciousness present on Earth requires that a soul be broken or “shattered” as many describe it, in order to lose sight of and faith in the beauty and unity of truth. Once the soul is broken and has lived lifetimes as both a victim and a perpetrator of terror, the soul can then embark on the reverse journey of healing and repair. Essentially remembering who we were before being shattered and bringing this healing energy of unity, trust, faith, beauty, health, peace, and serenity back to a world that has been endlessly torn apart by war, judgment, pain, cruelty, shame, and betrayal.


Doubt in myself is something that has haunted me this entire lifetime. The shattering did its job on me, to be sure. I have spent years carefully reassembling the pieces of my heart, and yet I still find myself terrified of being at the mercy of other human beings. I know of unity and integration, and the alchemy of healing, clearing, and transformation of energies. The shadows are part of the mandala that is our existence as much as the light.

I lead a fairly solitary life. While being connected to others appeals to me, and I do have friends, I find it challenging to be really close to others. Being human does not come naturally to me. If, like me, you know yourself to be a starseed, you know what I mean. Competition and the hierarchies at work, admiring and following celebrities, needing likes on social media, belonging…all of these things feel foreign to me. Gatherings and parties, religion, communities and groups…I just never really feel like I belong to any of them.



Yet I know I came to Earth for a purpose, and that this purpose is to assist humanity, the  planet and all of her creatures and elements to ascend to a higher level of consciousness. I am here to assist others in their process if they so desire. I am here to transmute lower frequency energies in the air, the water, the soil, in the plants, animals, and insects as well as the disease and toxins in our bodies into higher frequencies. I do this in the privacy of my backyard and inside my house.

Living a human life in full alignment with my true self is my heart’s greatest desire. Yet the work I want to do seems to elude me. How to make a living making art and helping others to heal themselves without being a master marketer? How to be in the ease and flow of trust, of letting go and receiving the synchronicities born of living flow that is life? Each time I create a business, write a blog post, the customers and readers seem distant, silent. I never know if I touch hearts and minds, no matter how much I try. And I do try, over and over again, without too much expectation. Because it is more important to keep giving than to give into doubt and despair. As long as there remains a shadow of doubt, there is enough doubt remaining to prevent access to the higher dimensional experiences of unconditional love and connection.


Doubt and low self-esteem are a mark of lack. Lack of self-love, lack of confidence. Yet I was born by choice (I believe) into a family and into a life that repeatedly beat me up emotionally, cast me out. So that I could choose to become strong and not seek out love and support from others. So that eventually I would know myself as a powerful creator or realities and an endless source of unconditional love. Well, I’m still working on it.

For the last couple of years, I have wanted to quit my conventional job. The job that pays the bills. So that I can paint and write full-time. Because I haven’t yet experienced financial rewards from my artistic endeavors, doubt continues to haunt me. Is my belief system firmly anchored in the social illusion that one must give one’s time, energy, and lifeblood away doing work that one does not enjoy in order to receive sufficient funds to keep a roof over one’s head?

The ultimate question that doubt poses to me is this:

Can I trust myself?

I know that I, that each of us creates our own experience of reality. Our thoughts and beliefs from one minute to the next also reinforce or transform our collective experience of reality. Each time I invest in fear and continue to stay employed at a job that helps me to take care of my son in college, to pay my mortgage and car payment, to keep food in the fridge and the utility bills paid, I am reinforcing the status quo. Keeping myself in limbo, as it were. So how do I step into the unknown? How do I let go? How do I trust myself and stop behaving like a victim? How do I create with confidence and abundant self-love, the reality I truly wish to experience?


To be honest, I don’t yet have the answer to this question. I suppose a point of readiness will be reached, and I will make a decision. When I was five years old, I was thrown in a pool by an adult at a summer camp. I did not know how to swim, and it was a traumatic experience. One day, at the age of 30, if I remember correctly, I was walking past the municipal pool in Noisy-le-Grand, a suburb of Paris where I used to live. I had walked by that building many, many times. But on that particular day, I decided to walk into that building and inquire about the cost of swimming lessons. I purchased ten lessons, and I committed myself to learn the basics of swimming. When it came to jumping into the pool, the lifeguard, Vincent, was very kind. He held my hand. But, ultimately, I jumped into the pool alone. And I didn’t drown. I didn’t die. My body floated up to the surface of the water, as bodies tend to do.


How do we know when we are ready to live in love with ourselves and to cast aside fear and doubt? I believe that we are our own ultimate lovers.  We alone can fulfill all of the neediness we feel inside. No one and nothing else can solve the issue of empowerment. We all came to Earth to experience loneliness, separation, fear, shame, judgment. Some of us have suffered so much over so many lifetimes, it is hard to imagine how we can heal from these experiences. Ultimately, being broken into a million pieces over many lifetimes teaches us unconditional love of self and others. We’ve all been there, and once we attempt to stop judging self and others, we can cherish and understand how much we have all been through and how strong and brave we all are.


I raised my son by myself, with no family, no father. Having to hold everything together with limited finances. I am proud to have raised a son who is kind, smart, and a great student. He works two jobs to help put himself through school in Finland, while I do everything I can to support him. And now it’s my time to shine. To climb out from under the rock of sacrifice and realize that I am responsible for my own life and what I do with it. There is still a lot I want to do. No one is going to save me. I think it’s time to think about what I really want. To really believe in that vision. Beyond the shadow of any doubt.

Photos in this post taken during my recent trip to Helsinki, Finland. The first two photos are at Weegee, depicting Futuro, a space age house designed in the 1960’s by Finnish architect Matti Suuronen. It is part of the Espoo contemporary art museum, EMMA, and this year is the 50th anniversary of the Futuro house. The last photo is in Porvoo, Finland, depicting a monument commemorating the 200th anniversary of the Diet of Porvoo, establishing the Grand Principality of Finland in 1809. The art in the fifth picture from the top is a tapestry by British artist, Grayson Perry, exhibited on the fifth floor of the Kiasma contemporary art museum in Helsinki. The floating figures are at the Senate Square at the Helsinki Cathedral in a performance celebrating the Night of the Arts.

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Ascension, Unity, and Sexuality: the blurring of gender and the global shift to a higher level of consciousness

purple and orange flowers

Dearest readers,

It is impossible to ignore the vast changes in human sexual identity over the last several years. You might say that human sexuality has always been extremely diverse as well as heavily regulated by culture. Today, it is simply the lifting of social and moral restrictions that has allowed what has always existed primarily in the shadows to be seen and expressed without being forced into hiding. This is true in many ways, and the integration of what has been suppressed and forced into the shadowy realms of the subconscious in the individual and the collective unconscious of humanity is a key aspect of the ascension process.


For those who are not familiar with the term “ascension”, it simply indicates that we, as human beings, are in the process of very quickly evolving from a lower level of consciousness to a higher one. What is extremely unique about the era in which we are living is that we are now able to ascend with our physical bodies. While there are Biblical stories of individuals who ascended with their physical bodies, never before has an entire generation of human beings had the opportunity to ascend without the transition of death.


Our current paradigm, which has been accepted as truth and the nature of reality for many thousands of years, is now shifting. A world based on duality and separation: male and female, good and bad, light and dark is now unifying. That which has been hidden is coming to light. This is why we are observing so much turmoil. What was always there: sex trafficking, human slavery, pedophilia, political corruption, the greed and extreme dishonesty of the elites, the fact that the whole of humanity has been enslaved, manipulated through mind control and propaganda, “dumbed down”, and tricked into submission through a clever and complex agenda of fear is now becoming apparent to an ever increasing number of people.

street art Santiago Chile

Most of these “secrets” have been hidden in plain sight. It is our increasing awareness that makes them easier to perceive as well as transforming our hearts, making us no longer willing to accept the horrors of the enforced reality. Cognitive dissonance is increasingly difficult to live with as we move into alignment with our higher aspects.


It was always here with us, but we didn’t see it. The system which we accepted as “reality” was always dark and was always controlling us, but the frequency of the energies on Earth at the time allowed duality to flourish until the procession of time, which is always moving in cycles, allowed us both individually and collectively to shift our consciousness and to perceive what has been hidden from us. This shift also allows us to progressively “wake up” and remember who we once were. Our powers as human beings: telepathy, psychic abilities, levitation and flight, telekinesis – these and many others, which we have ascribed to “super heroes” are in fact our own normal higher dimensional abilities.


So what is the sexuality of higher dimensional beings? As third-dimensional Earth-bound organic or physical beings, we are in the body as male or female, and sometimes hermaphrodite. The “opposites” attract to form a whole. Yet in the ascension process, the separation between individuals, the divisions between our chakras or energy centers are blending and blurring. Unification means removal of the barriers or divisions between us. As we ascend, we embody wholeness in and of ourselves, whether our physical body is male or female – we realize that we are not incomplete as such. We are becoming lighter, embodying more light, living more and more from our hearts, which are the true source of our power and connection to the Source Creator.


Since there are most likely an infinite number of dimensions, and as humans, we are still organic beings, we won’t in the immediate be transforming into sexless orbs of light who do not need the mechanism of sexual reproduction in order to multiply. Because we are beings connected to the consciousness of the Earth while simultaneously living with the higher dimensions of our soul, we are the embodiment of an agreement to exist as spirit within the density of flesh, blood, bone, and tissue.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I have read that our energy systems are evolving to form a single column of white light, connecting us through our root or feet to the core of Gaia, our Mother Earth, at one end, and to the infinite stretches of the multiverse, as we receive light through our crowns. In other words, our ascension to unity from separation is bringing us increased flow and fluidity.


The culture of darkness in which we have collectively voluntarily or involuntarily joined the experience for the last few thousand years has become increasingly head-based and dominated by masculinity. We see a dominant reverence for science and technology and a relative scorn for the arts, a disdain for motherhood and the softer aspects of being human.  The innate respect for all life, the Earth, and for our connection to one another, to all of creation and its creatures which is familiar to all of the indigenous peoples of the Earth has been suppressed. We are, in ascension, experiencing the resurfacing of the divine feminine, which is very fluid in its expression.


Carl Jung, one of the great fathers of modern psychology, was, unlike his mentor and sometimes nemesis Sigmund Freud, extremely interested in intuition and the balance of masculine and feminine. He likened the healing of the psyche to alchemy, and the integration of the shadow, or the energies suppressed by the conscious mind because of fear or trauma, to the mandala, which we see across all cultures in many different art forms.


The mandala represents the totality of all being. We could call it a visual representation of God, which is the sum of everything that is – energy and consciousness in a pattern of opposites, colors, and geometric patterns, much like a kaleidoscope. We see these patterns in all cultures – from the rose windows of the Gothic cathedrals to abstractions in traditional Mosque architecture and mosaics. When we integrate all parts of our shadow – things about ourselves that we were not able to consciously accept and love, then our own self becomes a mandala.



In public life today, sexuality and the body are most often represented as the whole of who we are. We are taught by the culture and media to identify with our body and personality as the entirety of who we are, when nothing could be further from the truth. From a more unified perspective, in which there is a tension holding in balance the male and female parts of self and soul, we are each much larger and expansive than we could ever imagine.

a-JOAN-SEMMEL-self portrait

I believe the ascension process, as we collectively rise in consciousness, is allowing us to remember who we are as multidimensional spiritual beings as well as beings connected to the consciousness of the planet. Together, with the plants, animals, the air, water, soil, to the beings whom we have forgotten and forsaken – our extraterrestrial or star families, the elementals or nature spirits of Gaia with whom humans were once familiar and whom, in these lower dimensions, we can no longer perceive, our inner Earth family – there are so many beings to whom we are intimately connected – guides, angels, ascended masters, and the Source Creator. An ascended awareness allows us to remember these connections and to communicate directly with these beings.

Once we begin to ascend, our memories come flooding back. It takes time for us to adjust, for our bodies, our minds, our hearts. It is a process. It is impossible to remain the same. We can no longer be simply male or female. As we open up, remembering that we are connected intimately to all that  is, we can no longer be possessive. We must do much work to heal and work with the significant residues of fear, control, neglect, drama, abuse, violence, codependency, addiction which permeate our lives, our bodies, our families, our culture. This is a very intense and difficult process, and the work needs to be accomplished by each of us if we do wish to live at a higher level of consciousness.


Perhaps as we evolve, we will be able to simply connect to another human being from soul to soul. The apparent sexual orientation from birth may not matter at all, to anyone. Perhaps the physical body will evolve at some point to reflect this more fluid, less dualistic form of sexual identity. It remains to be seen. In any case, what I see of the current evolution of sexual identity and behavior is a reflection of the reintegration of the divine feminine and a new embrace of fluidity in the way we relate to self and others in the sacred union.

Lucien Freud painting


It is my hope that human beings will begin to more consciously revere self and one another as divine expressions of God’s creation. We are all creators of realities, and we are all unlimited. Self love and release of judgment are practices that can help us to heal and raise our frequencies from the lower dimensions of duality to a higher truth in which we all understand that we are all part of a single, living, conscious organism. No one and nothing is outside of us. The entirety of creation is contained within each of us. Male and female. We are all of the “races”, all of the animals, and the great diversity of Nature is contained within each of us. The potential to create whatever is in our hearts is unlimited. Once we decide to forgo the programming of family and culture, once we release our ancestors from the transmission of pain, addiction, drama, and codependency from one generation to the next, we can begin to live creative lives full of joy and abundance.


One of the biggest keys in this time of transition and transformation is integration. We each need to do the work. To recognize the male and female in each of us. To face and embrace our shadows and all that we have voluntarily or involuntarily forgotten or hidden. To live aligned with our personal truth is the new sexuality, the new identity of the great shift. Alignment of the higher self with the human personality is the new source of wholeness and great joy. We no longer need to pursue “our other half” in a person of the opposite sex. Wholeness and all of the love, satisfaction, and joy are all within. This shift will allow us at last to truly love and appreciate self and one another. This work and realization is the necessary predecessor of peace on Earth. No more perfect love, no more enemies.

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The Comforts and Discomforts of Living Inside and Outside of the Box

shaker heights ohio

Dearest readers,

I recently finished reading an intriguing and thought provoking novel by Celeste Ng, called Little Fires Everywhere. Throughout the story, the author contrasts the life choices of two families. One is a single mother Mia, and her teen-aged daughter, Pearl, who live a nomadic and minimalist lifestyle. The mother is an artist, and they never stay in one spot very long. They own very few possessions. It isn’t until the end of the novel that we find out what inspired this fairly unconventional bohemian lifestyle for Mia and her daughter. I won’t go into the details of the story, which is very interesting and definitely worth reading. The contrasting family into which Mia and Pearl become involved are the Richardsons, who live a stereotypically privileged upper class white American life with their four children in Shaker Heights, Ohio, a town designed to resist change and to embody perfection.



The polarized choices of these families and their interactions bring out the reality that it is simply not so easy to reside entirely in one or the other “box”. The complexities of life and of being human force us to confront change, force us to evolve and to look into our own hearts to find our own truth, which does evolve throughout our lives.

Living out of a car

While I personally identify more closely with Mia, being a single mother and an artist as well, the novel forces me to look back over my own life and some of the choices I have made. Some choices locked me into the box of social convention, while others mercifully popped me out of that box.

road life

Human beings are creators by nature. I believe that it is freedom and flow that draw our hearts, while our egos seek security and the comfort of the known. We are all drawn into this dance when we face adulthood and the responsibilities of taking care of our families. As a single parent with a limited income and no family support, I have had to be very creative to bring abundance and richness of experience into my little family. I know from experience that a creative mind and a connected heart can make wonderful things happen. When we are open to the flow of life, magical connections help us to find the teachers, friends, books, travel arrangements, and whatever it is that we need or desire.


I don’t believe that we should be forced to choose between the two. Since we have all chosen to incarnate in a lower dimensional realm in which we live in physical bodies, our need to sustain those bodies and to keep them housed, healthy, safe, clean is a real need. At the same time, we are all immortal immaterial beings of light whose only true and eternal preoccupation is promoting unconditional love and enjoying our existence as creators and manifestors of realities. Both are real aspects of who we all are.

As an artist and starseed, I have always been aware of my own need for freedom. I’ve never really wanted many material things, and I have never cared about status, promotions, celebrities, marriage, ownership of things. Until I was 32 years old (the age at which I became a mother), I owned almost nothing, and I always worked part-time. Being free to live my life as I chose, to be free to create, to dream, to read, and to enjoy life was my major preoccupation.

tree house

Becoming a parent changed my life radically. Suddenly, the 3-D box seemed like something I needed to inhabit in order to give my son what he needed: safety, stability, comfort. A good environment in which he could grow up. Now he is in college in Finland. I feel that this choice has been one that combines the best of both worlds. He is studying tuition-free because of some important choices I made much earlier in life, which have allowed us a greater measure of freedom than most Americans enjoy.

university of helsinki

Families in the United States suffocate under a huge burden of debt, and we have almost no freedom to be creative, because all of our time is managed inside of the box. Americans are carefully conditioned since birth to be consumers and to be debtors. Most Americans believe that they live in a free country. This makes me laugh. America is a prison without walls, but with cameras and surveillance everywhere. Basically, most Americans willingly create their own prisons and live within them without even realizing they are not free, and without even realizing what freedom and power are.


As the starseeds guide humanity towards awakening, an increasing number of human beings will begin to remember who we really are and why we are here on planet Earth at this time. The conventional lifestyle and the pursuits of comfort, safety, and status will, in the coming years, diminish significantly in importance as more and more people align their human, 3-D physical self with their higher dimensional soul identities. Once we know that we each create our own reality through the quality and clarity of our thoughts, emotions, and intentions – our consciousness – then living inside of a box will simply become laughable.


Freedom cannot be achieved without truth, and the truth about our nature and abilities as human beings has been concealed from us, as has our true history, for many thousands of years. Until we have transformed our societies to match this truth, we will each have to come to terms with our own truth and our own identity. Throughout our known history, those who were awake and aware were most often persecuted and put to death, because true freedom was always suspicious. Those who usurped our power and who created the hierarchies who run the world today always wanted to make sure that we used our energy to pursue the artificial dreams and goals that they designed for us.

Now is the time to step out from under the giant thumbs of the global financial system, organized religion, government, and the military. We are creators, and we can all live amazing lives. We don’t need to be pulled and polarized. Dare to dream. This is definitely one of the messages transmitted in Celeste Ng’s second novel, Little Fires Everywhere. Be your true self. Even the fanciest box can’t protect you from the power and the design that your soul has created for your life. Mia dares to live her life as she sees fit, and she knows that all of the answers are inside of our own hearts.


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The Wounded Mother and bringing the truth to light: some thoughts for her and for her children


Dearest readers,

Today is Mother’s Day in the United States. My mother has refused to speak to me for many years. The last time we exchanged words, she screamed at me over the phone, refusing to go to her own mother’s funeral. That was in April of 2007. I could not find a commercial Mother’s Day card that matches my true feelings for my mother, which are full of conflicting emotions including love, but also much pain, sorrow, frustration.

My mother is a wounded person. She bandages her pain, her fears, her memories in anger, denial, blame, and control. By denying whatever happened in her younger years that caused her so much pain, she has chosen to live her life by carefully controlling her environment and the people around her. My younger sister is nearly fifty years old. She never married or had children, and she lives at home with my mother, just to keep her love and remain part of the family. My mother did not succeed in controlling me and my life, and therefore, rather than face her own painful memories and use her relationship with her daughter to help heal herself, she chose to disown me and to blame me for every single bad thing that has happened in her life.

This has been her choice, and her choice to choose fear over love has crafted her destiny in this lifetime. This was her choice, and it has affected me in many ways. Some good, some very painful. Ultimately, I do believe that as souls having chosen to incarnate on Earth to experience a human lifetime, we all (without exception) know before we come here what kind of life we have chosen. The pain, the challenges, the loneliness, violence, abuse…even murder or death by calamity. They are all part of the curriculum. These challenges are also opportunities, allowing us each time they surface, to make a choice: fear or love?

fear or love?

This morning, I woke up early. I am a single mom, and my only son is away at college, at the University of Helsinki, in Finland. He will be home soon for a few weeks, and I am very much looking forward to seeing him. But today, it is me and my dog, Ruby. Later today, I will meet up with friends. The Atlanta summer is beginning, and it gets too hot to get outdoors pretty early in the day. After showering and washing my hair, Ruby and I set out for our daily walk.

Ruby is a wounded dog. She is nervous and shy. She looks over her shoulder if someone is walking behind us on the sidewalk. She often barks at people or lunges at them if she doesn’t like their energy. Sometimes I honestly don’t know why she barks. She is afraid of ducks and flapping flags, and twigs that stick up out of the grass make her jump. She is a rescue pup, and despite lots of TLC, she is still wary and protective. She preemptively barks to keep people away, just in case. This preamble is for a purpose.

Little after we started walking, an older woman (maybe early 70’s) was walking in the opposite direction on the lake path, which is about four or five feet wide. I held Ruby’s leash with both hands. Ruby is a small to medium-sized dog, about 36 lbs. As the woman passed by us, Ruby very slightly lunged at her and she barked one time. The woman was startled and frightened. I had a firm hand on Ruby’s leash, and Ruby didn’t get anywhere near her.

The woman’s response reminded me of my mother. The woman first said that she was frightened, and I told her I was sorry. Then she said that Ruby is aggressive, and I told her, no, that Ruby is shy. She escalated, confirming to herself and to me that Ruby does not appear shy to her, that she is aggressive. Then she asked me for my first and last name. I told her, and I explained further that Ruby is a rescue and that people and even ducks often startle and frighten her. I could feel the fear and control energy coming off of this woman in waves. Generally, most people understand when dogs bark. Most people do not go to such lengths to express their unwillingness to live with any fear or discomfort in their lives.

I am always respectful of others, and I keep a distance from people, young children, and other dogs when I am with Ruby, because I know her well. She fears fearful people. With the instincts of an animal, she knows that fearful people are the most dangerous.

This experience got me thinking about my mom and about fear. I believe that most human beings on the planet today suffer from some form of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Child abuse and neglect as well as domestic violence and addictive disorders are so common, that there are few families that do not experience them to a certain degree. We live in societies where people pretend to be “normal”, but I have yet to meet a person who does not come from a dysfunctional co-dependent family system.

Therefore, almost all mothers are wounded mothers. Some may be on the mending path, but most are holding in their pain. We live in a society where women are still the underclass. White “privileged” women like this older woman I encountered on the lake path do enjoy the ability to put into practice active denial throughout an entire lifetime. They can afford to live in gated communities and to shelter themselves from a wide variety of experiences which could potentially help them out of their denial of their own pain and fear, and which would trigger the healing process.

The privileged people of our societies are those in the most need of help. Every layer of our societies are full of pain, abuse, denial, anger, and fear. Until we stop and think about things and realize that we do have choices that we can make, this will continue. The cycle of abuse exists in every social class, without exception. For the rich and for the poor, and all of those in between, fear is always a choice. As is love. We can all step out of being victims whenever we want. We can all learn to love our self, and to stop living with shame, blame, denial. When we are ready, we take the step.

I was a wounded mom, but I have slowly healed myself. One day at a time, and there will always be more ways to learn to love, to expand into more loving. But at least I am now ready to enjoy my life. I learned to love myself, at great cost. For so much of my life, I have felt unworthy, because my own mother did not or could not love me, and because my father never strongly stood up for me or my siblings. He was too needy, and she was his own surrogate mother. Because they never bothered to heal their own emotional wounds and bodies, I carried around their pain for a while. I suppose healing was not part of their culture or their time. Then, when I realized that their pain, their shadows, their grief was not mine to carry, I let it go. My entire nuclear family continued to blame me for all of their problems, but I simply stayed away and let it go. It takes a lot of time and effort to consciously heal from sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, and from dysfunctional family systems.

By becoming consciously aware, we can choose love. I feel it is so important to stop perpetuating the cycle of abuse. Abusers are simply people who live in fear and who do not love themselves. They either passively become victims or abusers themselves. Conscious awareness of our thoughts, emotions, paying attention to our bodies, our dreams, how we choose our words and reactions in every single interaction with have with self and others is the only way to heal. We can heal our own emotional bodies, and we can release the abusive trend from our physical bodies, mental bodies, from our DNA, and from our ancestral lines. We can release all karma from our lives. All of this can be done by choice.

I cannot force my mother to heal. I can’t make her face her suppressed memories of abuse or of emotional pain or perceived neglect. I don’t know what happened to my mom, but my guess is that possibly her older brother sexually abused her and that her parents didn’t protect her, because they thought he was so smart, so amazing, that he could do no wrong. I don’t know this for a fact. It’s just a hunch. After all, why would a woman who is so smart, so pretty, who had everything going for her become such a bitter, angry, fearful, and hateful person – especially to her own child? Why would she feel the need to control her family if she didn’t feel the need to create a fortress of safety and predictability around herself?

In the third volume of Kristin Hannah’s book trilogy (Firefly Lane, True Colors, Fly Away), teen Marah has lost her mom to breast cancer. Marah is 16, and, a typical teen, she was often mean to her mom before she passed away. The guilt and fear she carries is translated into Marah cutting herself. She feels a sense of control when she cuts herself, and to be able to limit who hurts her and how she is hurt is why cutting herself is so cathartic to her.  “I am the only one who can hurt me. Only me.”


If you come from a family in which there are secrets and hidden abuse, or if you keep wondering what happened to your mother and why it is affecting you, I highly recommend reading these novels. They are so insightful and full of love, pain, and redemption. I haven’t yet experienced the redemption part with my own mother, but just reading these books was very helpful for me. There are things I would like to know about my own childhood, and I wish I could ask my mother about them. I wish she would speak to me.

The wounded mother may think she is protecting her children by keeping her secrets close to her chest, but the children always carry and intuitively know these secrets. They re-embody the hidden trauma in their own lives, because light always seeks to emerge from shadows, and the soul always seeks healing and creates endless opportunities for us to learn to embrace ourselves and those who hurt us.

Being human on a third dimensional level of consciousness is messy, and it hurts. Wealthier people create a pretty veneer, an image of happiness and prosperity, behind which they can hide their abuse of self and others. Those with less financial prosperity may live lives full of crime, drama, drug or alcohol addiction.

Higher consciousness allows us, has allowed me, to extract myself from my past, from the victim mentality. From feeling worthless, from the endless self sabotage. My mother didn’t want her children to be successful, to be better than she was, and I’ve never held a great job nor have I had much of a career. For so many years, I believed (key word is believed), that I wasn’t good enough. Now I know that I am not a victim, and that I don’t have to always carry my mother’s wounds, or her mother’s wounds, nor even my own. Now I am finally making plans to do what I love and to know that I am not only capable, but that I have so much to offer. Holding back is depriving others of my gifts.

I can (and we all can) choose to set our intentions for our own destiny. To pick up the reins of our own life, and to let go of the past. We can forgive ourselves and those who chose fear over love. We can embody the type of life and love that helps to heal the world. Being a victim is not a destiny. It is a choice. Yes, we have been hurt. Yes, people have abused us when we were young, vulnerable, didn’t know any better. But on some level, we all chose these experiences, and we can choose to use them to make us stronger and more loving to self and others.

To all moms, to my mom: I love you. I know you are hurting, and I know society has told you to suck it up and to hold it in. I know society has told us all that men are superior to women and girls, and this, for now, still holds true. But this reality is collapsing as I write these words. The divine feminine is making her comeback, and the feminine in all things will be loved and revered once again on this planet. Sooner than you think.

To all children of abusive, depressed, angry, alcoholic, drug addict, incarcerated, self-destructive, violent, controlling moms: I love you. You are worthy, you are beautiful. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to do work that you love, and to be well compensated for that work. You deserve to be in relationships with kind, caring people who are responsible and well grounded. You can choose love every time someone tries to hurt you or take advantage of you. Be the captain of your destiny. You are an empowered, sovereign being of light.

We are all one family. Let’s heal together.

Happy Mother’s Day!


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Playing with toys to channel higher self


Dearest readers,

There are many ways to connect to your subconscious mind, intuition, and what New Age teachings call your “higher self”. Today, many people publish YouTube or Facebook videos, blogs, vlogs, and charge money for personal or group sessions to either share channeled information or to assist others in their personal development and awakening process.

While I enjoy listening to and learning from the insights and experiences of other people, I also trust that my own life is unfolding according to its own blueprint. I have participated in a few groups and workshops. Not many.

In this post, I just wanted to share a very easy way to connect to higher self that I found many years ago. long before I ever discovered any materials about awakening, ascension, or the term higher self. It was just a way for me to connect to myself and to expand my inner life. This method is innate to all human beings, but we often leave it behind with childhood concerns as we mature. When I went to live in Paris to study art, I would take long walks all over the city, observing life, and often finding small objects which I would keep to incorporate into my paintings. I also collected small figurines and toys.


I would arrange these toys and objects on a bookshelf. Like a composition in a painting, the arrangements of these objects, toys, and figurines would depict in amazingly accurate ways the answers to my most profound questions and concerns. I still use this form of play today. Without consciously thinking about what I want, I simply arrange the figurines. The higher self puts them together in a way that is perfect, representing my current mental, spiritual, and emotional state. When I become aware of the message and set the intention to move to the next level, all I need to do is to move the toys around, and presto! My understanding moves to the next level as I observe what my higher self just showed me.


For a specific example, I will share an epiphany I experienced at my desk at work this past week. For months, I had several Marge Simpson figures (one larger, the rest about two inches tall, two of which were holding their ears, and one of those which has a black cat crawling up its dress), a realistic plastic donkey, a family of three bears, a snake, and a Lisa Simpson figure playing the saxophone). In the initial scene I had set up, the Marge figures were each embraced by a bear. One of the Marge figures is holding binoculars and a bird book, but all of the birds are in her blue beehive hair. Behind the figurines, I had stuck a sketch of myself on a Post-It note placing a rock in a flower pot, while behind me a bird is hovering and a plant is growing. On another Post-It reads a quote that I had jotted down:

Facing the thing you don’t want to face is where your power is.

For months, I had been agonizing about leaving my full-time job, which I find boring and exhausting, and to replace it with a full-time art career, selling custom portraits. I hadn’t given any conscious thought to the toys or the placement of the quote or the little drawing. It simply dawned on me one day that the set-up that I had created was the perfect illustration of my predicament! The happiness which I seek is not where I am focusing my attention, and I am putting all of my energy into my fears (planting rocks, embracing bears (my personal symbol for living in fear), and giving my power away to the snake (the reptilian conditioning system of duality/fear/low frequency living in which we are all brought up and which seems to be the human condition – or does it have to be?)


Basically, my heart wants to be free and to live in alignment with my higher self, but my ego/mind keeps pulling me back to the conditioned fear response. That is the predicament. The higher self brings in a wide angle perspective on the situation.


When I moved the toys around again, the bigger Marge figurine became my higher self, her arms spread wide, to encompass the whole scene. I placed the bears together on one side of the table, in a stand off. The coiled snake was in the middle. The two Marges with their hands over their ears (not listening to their intuition, for whatever reason) were now leaning against the donkey. The Marge with the birds in her hair was turned to face the higher self Marge. And the Lisa playing the saxophone stood behind Marge with birds.

In this scenario, Marge (me) is realizing that it’s time to face my fears if I want, really really want, to take all of my power back and responsibly create the life I really want for myself. In order to face my fears (the bears), I become aware that the snake which lies between me and them, is my conditioning of which I must continue to become even more aware, and to continue to release all conditioned thoughts, feelings, responses. The Marge figurines with covered ears lean against the donkey, representing the stubbornness and refusal to listen to my inner guidance, and my perpetuation of my current situation, even though I hate it, because I am unwittingly still behaving like a robotic conditioned being, addicted to the fear/survival response.



In the latest episode, as I become more aware that I haven’t truly been facing up to my greatest fears, I start to ask myself what those fears really are. Am I afraid of losing the stability  of a regular income? Sure I am. Am I afraid of losing my house or my car? Perhaps. Are these my greatest fears? I thought they were, but then I am not so sure that these are the factors which are preventing me from just jumping in and quitting my job. They are the so-called logical voices in our heads that have been put there by society, but I realized that my greatest fear is to be truly powerful, to be me, out in the open. That being powerful is somehow really dangerous and scary. Probably thousands of years of incarnations and the memories thereof that reside in my cellular memory (DNA) are constantly but unconsciously circulating through my system all of the time.

And so I knocked down all of the bears. They stayed on the right side of the desk. The donkey moved up and put its front hooves on the coiled snake. The two Marges with hands over ears lay down on the table, nose to nose, melding to one another in a mirror-image. All as Big Marge looks on, smiling, and Marge with birds looks straight at the drawing of me planting a rock and seeing the bird behind me. Going beyond conditioning, beyond fear. Facing that greatest fear. Finding my power inside me. The birds that are in my own hair.

Basically, no one has power over me, unless I give that power up to someone, something, some belief system, thought pattern, or emotion. It is up to me to change my inner landscape so that I can shift my “outer” experience of life in what we call the real world. Playing with toys is a great and fun way to experience your own inner landscape from moment to moment. Because it is always changing, and it is so easy to move toys and small objects around.

There are many ways to receive information from your higher self. Some people have a sense of knowing. Some hear information inside their heads. Some people write songs, some people make art, while others write or journal. We are all intuitive, and we all express ourselves and connect to our higher self or guidance system all the time, whether or not we are aware of it. Even if you don’t get messages from Jesus or archangels, or from some spiritual celebrity, it is really all the same. Because we are all part of a single energy system. No one is better or more important than anyone else, though some may be more spiritually evolved than others. It really doesn’t matter.

The most important thing is to enjoy life. To have fun and play. We have all been exhausted by the 3-D matrix system which surrounds us constantly with fear-mongering, abuse, manipulation, trickery, and violence. But I do believe that our true human nature is to be creative and to enjoy our life. We simply have allowed ourselves to be held hostage by an illusion of reality that has seemed so real that even those of us who perceived shreds of other possibilities have struggled to materialize those more creative experiences of life here on Earth.

It is getting easier to shrug off the old way of being as more and more people around the planet share their experiences. Now we know that we are not alone, even thought we may not know many people who are like us in our immediate sphere. The gift of the Internet allows us to share experiences and to encourage one another. I am so thankful for this amazing tool! So have fun, and get to know your true self. I hope this intuitive technique is helpful to you on your inner journey to freedom!


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Trust, freedom, and power: the price of conditional love


Dearest readers,

I’ve been musing about belonging and freedom. Naturally, we should be easily able to be part of a family or group and also maintain our individuality. At least it seems simple on the surface. Thousands of years of conditional love have robbed us of our spontaneity, our ability to love self and others, and to truly trust in our own voice and in our connections with other human beings.



As a child, I had to make the choice between belonging and freedom. I sensed by the age of ten or twelve that freedom was more important to me than belonging to my family. The family system demanded that all individuality, all freedom, all friendships with people outside of the family be relinquished in exchange for belonging, for being loved, accepted, for being a member of the family. Of course, this is/was a highly dysfunctional family system. I now realize that while this family system was an extreme, it was actually a representation of the norm pushed so far as to make the intolerable part of normalcy/conditional love in our society very obvious.


At some point in my life, I realized that I chose (or some part of me chose) to be a part of this family. To experience an upbringing that was painful, but one which forced me to become aware of my own priorities. Coming up in this family with my sensitivity and quiet nature, my own soul pushed me to revolt, to choose freedom, despite the pain of being excluded and even despised. I was the one chosen to carry the shadow of the family. Everything that was painful, repressed, difficult – like disease, failure, loss – was my fault. As I got older, the more I asserted my freedom and my individuality, the harsher the punishments, anger, and vengeful spirit became.

black sheep

Often, the most spiritually evolved soul in a family group plays the role of the scapegoat. Each soul in a family group agrees to experience together certain roles for the benefit of the spiritual growth of each soul in the group. I have explored freedom, the price of freedom, as well as the benefits and the liabilities of solitude.

black sheep alone

And now, I am confronted with the necessity and inevitable ties between trust, surrender, and belonging. My spiritual and personal evolution require me to heal the part of myself that gave up on belonging, that gave up on trust when I chose freedom, and with it, for the most part, life-long solitude.

Trust Me

I want to preserve the part of myself that is a dreamer, introspective, and which enjoys solitude. And I want to be able to feel whole, connected, belong, to trust, give and receive, without relinquishing my personal power or individuality.

Trust Hal Hartley

Right now, I can’t be in a relationship with others, or even in a place where I trust the Universe to fulfill my heart’s desires, if I cannot surrender or trust. When I set my intentions for my dreams and desires, I must surrender them to the Universe. Letting go and not knowing how things will come into being requires trust.


It is hard for me to get close to other people. I feel more comfortable being alone. As we collectively move into unity consciousness, I sense that my own healing requires retrieval of my full self. Healing means becoming whole again. Becoming aware of all of the pieces of myself that were deeply hurt and tucked away, and taking them out to embrace them with feeling and acceptance, and yes, with my own love. I feel so close to living fully as the powerful being I know that I am…yet to embody trust and surrender seems to be so necessary and simultaneously untouchable.


Having chosen not only this childhood but also a long chain of betrayals, abuse, bullying at home and in the workplace, relationships of all kinds where I allowed myself to be used, tricked, robbed, my soul has evolved out of victimhood into a library of human experiences of suffering and resilience. In retrospect, I believe that I chose on some level with free will all of these painful experiences of rejection, manipulation, grief, solitude, suffering. The other aspect of these experiences was to allow me  opportunities to discover my own strength, imagination, and power as well as self-love and appreciation in order to help others at some point. The school of life as a human being is not an easy one.

child forest



My dream is to be free, all while assisting the planet and all of her creatures in the ascension process. To live and make a living as an artist, to be free from conventional society, its limitations, judgments, bondage. At the same time, I seek connection, and I am always connected to all that is. I have always felt connected to the entire universe and to our beautiful planet. To all of the plants and trees, to the animals. To the water, the air, the clouds, even to buildings and roads. Inanimate objects. But connecting to other human beings is the most challenging of all connections. Why is that?


The human being is no longer a natural being. Conditioned from birth to accept that  beauty, love, and truth be replaced by an artificial truth, all human beings give up large portions of self in order to belong to the groups of family and society. This “fake” love which is really the acceptance of the social contract forces us to give up self-love, authenticity, and the ability to relate to one another in an honest and simple way. We all lose the ability to trust self and others as we grow up. Most of us lose touch with our intuition and our connection to spirit and to the consciousness of the planet, the consciousness of the plants, the animals, the clouds, the soil, rocks, insects, the water.

wolf aurora

My whole life, I have been seeking another natural human being who could be my friend, my partner. Someone who remembers, who is awake and aware. Someone who knows his or her own shadow. Someone who knows that there is darkness in the light of unity and love and who embraces all of it. Someone that I can trust.

pantone portraits

Many years ago, an archaeologist friend from Ethiopia told me about a vision he had of me. He saw me lying naked, unconscious or sleeping, surrounded by a circle of crossed swords. The other day, in my mind’s eye, I arose, twirling in a dance, and I surrounded those swords in a swath of iridescent light, each sword lighting up in a pure and brilliant hue of the rainbow. I dissolved them all into a single rainbow sword, which I used to cut all of the twisted energy cords coming from my body. Spreading my arms in an arc around my body, I created a beautiful vesica pisces-shaped aura around my body. Majestic cobalt blue wings sprouted from my shoulder blades, and a blue beak emerged from my face.

winged vesica ring

I wanted to take charge of my life, of my own healing, of my return to wholeness…myself with the universe. But I had left out the human element. The element of relationship of myself with other human beings. Trusting another human being. Receiving part of my healing…the part of power I had given away in the conditional love contract that we all share with our families, friends, partners.

rainbow crystals

Yesterday, I was debating whether I should sign up for a healing session with an internationally known healer, or whether I should trust myself to heal myself. Make myself whole again. Could it be done? Could I become whole again without putting my trust in another? I had always felt that giving up my power to a group, to a teacher or healer was not needed and even dangerous. Yet there remains this part of my personal history – a part of all of our histories – that is still wounded.


I strongly feel that all human beings are powerful beings. We each create our own reality. We are not victims, no matter how much we suffer. No matter how difficult our lives may be. As we each at our own pace and in our own way poke and prod our way through the confusing challenge of finding our own path, which is constantly evolving, trust is key. Trust in our self. If everything is One, then trusting self and trusting another should come easily. That is the way of the natural human being who has given up all conditioning and the suffering it has caused. One emotion at a time, I have taken back shards and fragments of my self. My heart. My emotional self.

walking through the forest.png

Perhaps the healer has a gift that I don’t have. I am not giving away my power by going to see him. I am proving to myself that I can open my heart while facing another human being. That I can trust myself to not need to protect myself in any way. That our energy fields can merge without my losing any part of myself, my freedom, my individuality. That connection, receiving, and belonging can and should be self-evident for all of us, and not be bought at such a high price.

For me, the New Earth we are recreating together embodies a way of living that is natural for us as human beings. It is our birthright and the template for this way of being is stored in every cell in our bodies. We know what feels right. Once we stop spinning in drama and delusion of a fake and painful collective reality based on exploitation, abuse, victimization, and conditional love, and begin to wake up and remember what love and truth are, then we can begin to trust in our own power and rediscover our own voices once again.


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On Money and Freedom

money tree

Dearest readers,

Many people say that money is but a form of energy. That everything is energy. Yet in our current paradigm, money seems to rule our lives and holds for many the energy of fear. Fear of not having enough, fear of not being able to live out our true talents, desires, dreams. Money is, more often than not, the currency of bondage. We allow ourselves to be controlled by a system that does not hold our best interests, both individual and collective, at heart.

money tree 2

Ursula K. Le Guin, the science fiction author, essayist, poet, and feminist questions our entire economic system of unlimited growth in her book No Time to Spare: Thinking About What Matters in an essay entitled “Clinging Desperately to a Metaphor”. At the head of the essay, she quotes Richard Falk from an article in Al Jazeera published February 22nd 2011: “Unless the people benefit, economic growth is a subsidy for the rich.”


Le Guin questions unlimited growth as a model for a society: “Capitalist growth, probably for at least a century and certainly from the turn of the millennium on, has been growth in the wrong sense. Not only endless, but uncontrolled – random. Growth as in tumor. Growth as in cancer.”

No Time to Spare

She continues to express that our economy and planet are deathly ill, as we have deeply disturbed the natural harmonies of our bodies, our ability to live in harmony with ourselves and one another, as well as with nature. When money, the currency of exchange, becomes a source of terminal illness, when do we do to release ourselves from the bondage of a system which makes us all sick, stressed, unhappy, and which endangers our collective survival and well-being?


Personally, I have always valued freedom over wealth. Intuitively, I always knew I couldn’t handle working a conventional job more than two or three days a week, and that the rest of my time had to be devoted to being creative and living on my own timeline. When I began to work full-time, I felt incredibly unhappy, stressed, and out of balance. I have always preferred to have less stuff and more free time. Freedom is the currency of happiness for me.


Nature offers us her abundance every day. If we slow down and choose simplicity, we find (I have found) that we need  much less than we have been conditioned to require as necessity. Simplicity is the way to freedom. And freedom is the pathway to happiness, health, and to a life well-lived.


Advanced civilizations have no need for money. But more importantly, freedom requires a higher level of consciousness. Before we can all enjoy equality, the free expression of our talents, and to value all life forms, including the consciousness of the planet, we must raise our own awareness and release all aspects of the old, conditioned thought patterns that hold us enslaved in the old paradigm of duality.


Our current system values money, power, and masculinity above all. It allows these concepts to dominate our lives. It refuses to acknowledge the rightful place of the divine feminine, and so we drudge through a life of uniformity with never enough time to dream, relax, play. Our lives are too structured. And the power that money brings us is not freedom. It is enslavement. We worry about what others have or what we don’t have. The system has created a system of debt, and we can never catch up. Pay it all off. We are never free. We can’t breathe.


More and more people want to step off that train of endless debt and meaningless needs and desires. Yet there are still some huge obstacles to confront. Why must we pay for our homes, for a place to live, rest, sleep? Why must we pay taxes to a government which wages endless war and whose immoral imperatives protect only the very wealthy and rarely the common good of people, animals, and the planet? Why must someone more powerful than we own pieces of the Earth, who belongs to no one but herself? Is this not a form of slavery? Why must we do work for, more often than not, self-serving corporations, giving away our most precious commodity – our energy and our personal power – in exchange for the necessities of life – food, shelter, healthcare?

flower jewels

Our basic freedoms were hijacked many thousands of years ago when the money system was created. All of humanity was enslaved, and our consciousness was carefully conditioned. We have willingly passed down this conditioning from generation to generation. We have listened to and believed in the propaganda that we are all fed every moment of the day, no matter what culture, religious, or governmental system we have been raised in. Every human being on the planet is a slave until we awaken and reclaim our freedom, which is the birthright we have all unconsciously renounced.

All artists speak for the right to be free. All indigenous peoples retain the somewhat distant memory of freedom, of what it was like to live free from the bondage of debt and duality. To know that being a part of nature requires a balance of masculine and feminine energies. To know that we are all connected to the consciousness of the planet and to the infinite wisdom of the source of all life. That all of this power and wisdom is contained within each of us, sleeping in our DNA.


As we begin to awaken from the deepest slumber, from thousands of years of domination by a handful of clever and very manipulative beings, we will begin to understand that our life and well-being belong only to us. We will begin to refuse to live as slaves, going to jobs that we hate, in exchange for food and shelter. The system of serfdom and destruction of the planet is about to collapse. Awakening means remembering. Remembering that the plants and animals are our family members, and that we owe them so much love and gratitude. Remembering our own power to create realities that we wish to experience and which make us feel happy and fulfilled.

Freedom is not something that someone outside of self gives to you. It is something that we each must claim, by reaching deep within our self. Striving to remember from the deepest reaches of the collective history of humanity, stored in our genetic structure. Freedom is what we each crave to experience. To wake up each morning when our body says “I have slept enough.” To play and dream, to create with pure intentions. To love self and others. To know that fear is a choice, and that we are each responsible for our creations.


Money will pass away from humanity as we ascend to a higher level of consciousness as a collective. It may take some time. It is a form of energy, a construct that was designed to keep us in line. To preserve the lineages, luxuries, and privileges of ruling classes. When we realize that we no longer need it, we will create a new way of living together that will honor the individuality, the gifts, and abilities of every human being as well as every living being on the planet and beyond. Once we learn to love and honor ourselves and remember our own power and responsibility to self and others, money will slip away and be forgotten. We will wonder why we spent so much time and energy worrying about not having enough of it to live. At that time, we will be free.


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Monster: How Mass Shootings Can Teach Us How to Heal Ourselves, Our Societies


Dearest readers,

There are many reasons why violence is so prevalent in the United States and around the planet today. Violence is an outward projection of our individual inner states of being as well as an accurate portrait of our collective state and how we use our consciousness to create the realities in which we live.


We call these shooters “monsters”. We claim that they are mentally ill exceptions to the rule of who we are: peaceful, law-abiding, kind individuals. We rush to punish or to protect or protest gun ownership rights and laws.

School Shooting Florida

What is a monster? Where do these shooters come from and why do they appear? Are they really disturbing our peace? Have we created a peace which can be disturbed? Or have we accepted violence, constant stress, fear, mistrust, and duality as our accepted state of reality that we wish to preserve?

A monster is someone who shows us something important about ourselves and about our society. From the word “montrer” in French, “mostrar” in Spanish: to show. In a way, a monster is a gift. A person who has entered a state of too much. A person who can no longer carry the separation, the lack, the stress, the loneliness, the brutality of our society any longer. And so they explode. And in that explosion of violence, they show us who we are. They show us how we are responsible for what we have created, all together.

losing temper.jpg

For the societies in which we live are a highly accurate snapshot, in each instant of time and experience, of our current state of collective consciousness. If we each choose in each moment, both individually and collectively, to perpetuate fear, mistrust, perfectionism, tribalism, judgment over unity, kindness, forgiveness, compassion, trust, vulnerability – then we continue to perpetuate the kind of collective experience that leads to more of the same.


The monster or the shooter, in my eyes, is a self-sacrificing hero of sorts. I’m not trying to exculpate the shooter, but to elevate our own collective responsibility for these events. It is not one person who creates the tragedy. It is all of us. These individuals are showing us what we refuse to see about ourselves. Where we play the victim, we are each in fact responsible for every life lost in these tragic, horrible shootings. Even those of us (including myself) who have never used or owned a gun and who practice compassion on a daily basis…I too am responsible. Because we are all one living body, one living consciousness, one family.

responsibility quote

We cannot blame, punish, incarcerate, suppress, hospitalize, legislate violence out of our individual and collective realities.

The only way to stop mass shootings and violence of any kind in our societies is for all of us to take responsibility for the way we imagine and live our lives from one moment to the next.

Fear is a choice. We are completely free to choose to be unafraid in the face of any “outer” circumstance or situation. We are free to speak to our neighbors and to love them, no matter who they are, or what we perceive that they have “done” to us. It is our inner state of being which creates our outer experiences of reality. This is the truth about human consciousness. We are extremely powerful beings, and we create reality with our consciousness.


We don’t need to get rid of guns. We need to sit quietly at home and look at the shadows in our minds and our hearts which are the subconscious programs that are running our lives. We need to get honest with self and others. But mainly with self. All of the great masters who have walked the planet have known and lived this truth. Sit quietly. Face your demons. Integrate the shadow into light. Become a fully integrated, conscious human being. Know that all of reality, the entire Universe, is inside of you. What we call God, or the Creative Source, is inside of you. Together, with our individual states of consciousness, awake or asleep, we create the experiences of reality that we see projected out in the world.


When more and more of us awaken and begin to create consciously, we will see increasing unity on the planet. This is already beginning to happen. Where there was duality, there will be people seeking unity and common ground. Neighbors are meeting with one another, seeking real, face to face relationships. Working on the problems of separation, lack, learning to love and trust self and others once again.

share your thoughts

There is a wonderful new show on Netflix called “Queer Eye”. In this show, 5 gay men work together as a team to help a straight man (a different person in each episode) who is disconnected from himself to live happier, to love himself more, and to improve his relationships with others. It is an amazing show, because people who normally would never meet share incredibly heartfelt experiences of transformation. This is an example of how we heal.

As we each begin to accept responsibility for our thoughts, for each of our choices, and when we begin to live in a more connected compassionate state, loving self and taking steps to open up and show love and gratitude to other people, animals, plants, and our beautiful planet, we will begin to see the dissipation of violence, separation, lack, poverty, inequality in our realities.

We don’t all live in the same reality. In fact, we all jump to many different dimensions from one moment to the next, depending on the frequency of our thought patterns, emotions, and energetic state is at the moment. A human being is a highly sophisticated energy system, a deeply sensitive being who is connected to the consciousness of the Earth, to that of the cosmos, and to every other particle of energy on the planet – air, water, plants, animals, other human beings.


We have not been told the truth about who we are and what we can create. We are not victims. We are powerful creators of realities. It is time to wake up and take responsibility. Think about in what kind of world you want to live. What legacy do you want to help create for the children, for the animals, for the plants? Are you using your consciousness wisely? Are you working to heal the water, the soil, the animals, the plants? Are you thinking about our place in the Universe, in our galaxy? Are you aware that we are but one of an infinite number of planets and civilizations? Are you using your time and energy working to heal and love yourself?


These are the important questions. We don’t need teachers wielding firearms in our classrooms, nor do we need more security guards, or even more restrictive gun laws. We don’t need more mental hospitals. So many young lives have been sacrificed, so many families torn apart, yet people are still not waking up in sufficient numbers. We need to thank the shooters and their victims for showing us who we truly are and what our current state of consciousness is, so that we can learn to live more compassionately, honestly, powerfully. We are all responsible for the violence in our societies. We have the power to make the changes inside of ourselves right now.

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Heart over Mind: from control to vulnerability

mother daughter bonding

Dearest readers,

Truth and living with integrity are important to me. So are slowing down, enjoying the moment. I’m not very competitive. But I like to achieve and manifest my visions in the physical world. Finding and creating balance between our masculine side which is all about doing, achieving, conquering, creating order, and softening to our feminine aspect, characterized by creativity and imagination, dreaminess, flexibility, fluidity is a herculean task at times.

River with rocks

I was listening to Julie Parker’s The Priestess Podcast the other day, and her guest speaker Melissa Ambrosini (January 24th episode) gave some wonderful metaphors for the masculine and feminine energies, helping to move away from gender and allowing listeners to better understand the energy forms in and of themselves. She says that when she feels herself becoming too rigid or harsh, too far on the spectrum of right or wrong, and her inner critic is too active, she reminds herself to soften and to open up. In her words, she moves from rock to river, or from flagpole to flag. Lovely and powerful images, where both divine aspects are honored and prioritized as needed in the current moment and situation!

flagpole with flag

In today’s society dominated by sound bites, snap judgments, and assessments made often too quickly, and in my opinion, too harshly without enough thought or empathy, slowing down and opening ourselves up, allowing self to listen to others without being so quick to jump in with an opinion or an assumption is so very crucial to creating relationships of trust with others with whom we don’t necessarily agree.


The divisiveness of people around the planet into groups where a feeling of tribal association of only those who agree being able to talk and validate one another is, in my opinion, quite dangerous and isolating. If we can’t communicate, honor, and respect those with whom we may possibly disagree, then there is no trust or true intimacy. There develops a lack of honesty, and a climate where people become afraid to speak up and stand in their truth.

Modern Tribalism video

Open-minded and open-hearted living, where we learn to stand in non-judgment and simply listen, acknowledge and cherish another human being for being who they are, for their experiences, their emotional complexity, is key for humanity to heal our divisions and to learn how to integrate our own shadows.

Child listening

Scapegoating is the age-old blame game where people refuse to look inwards and to examine their own life, emotions, conditioning, impulses, contradictions, character. It is so easy to victimize another, to give one’s power away, to refuse to accept responsibility for one’s own discomfort, pain, sorrow, failures. This is the path of immaturity that humanity has been playing out for thousands of years. Humanity, it is time to grow up. Time to take our power back. Time to stop blaming others. Time to see others as a mirror of self and to give gratitude for that reflection and learn from it.

What angers us most in others

Now is the time of introspection for our global society.  The United States in particular  has propagated around the world an attempt to quell the feminine energy of flow, a taste for the rigid and the instantaneous, perfectionism, placing authority outside of self, and an obsession with outer appearances and glossing over the depths of feeling, meaning, and emotional states in our lives.

control e-card

Now is the time to bring honor back to the energies of the river and the flag, all while continuing to honor those of the rock and the flagpole. Creating balance will take a while, but each of us has the power to do this for ourselves in our own lives. This has a global effect. We need to stop judging others. Slow down. Be. Live in the now. Turn off your cellphone. Let go of social media for a while. Take a walk in the forest. Breathe. Watch children play. Sit on the couch and stroke your dog. Listen to someone without offering advice or help. Say thank you to someone for sharing their personal truth with you, for having the courage to open up in a time where we are constantly on guard and constantly offered solutions or judgment instead of a ready and compassionate ear.

Young woman with her dog walking in the forest

We are living in a time made for healing. All of the darkness that is rising from the depths of the Earth and from the depths of our hearts and souls is a beautiful mirror of our personal and collective beings. Let’s not blame anyone for the chaos that now flows about us. Let’s show gratitude for our new ability to see that chaos for what it is: the hidden emotions, truths, and vulnerabilities so long either concealed or projected onto others as scapegoats.


We are not victims or our lives. Living a human life is not easy, and it’s not about being comfortable. It’s not about labeling some people as privileged and others as victims. Everyone has a story, everyone has experienced pain, challenges, and trials. Rich or poor, homeless, socially inept or socially accomplished, we are all here as equals. We are all family, and if we allow ourselves to open our hearts to others and to hear everyone’s story, we begin to realize that wealth has nothing to do with money. Those who our society may judge and label the most harshly, the so-called addicts, criminals, refugees, homeless, poverty-stricken, or mentally ill may have the most emotional wealth of all to share.

Uganda refugee camp

We each come onto this planet by choice. We choose to incarnate into a particular physical vessel, family, situation, country in order to experience a particular set of circumstances. Being born into wealth is not a privilege; it is a choice made by the soul and the soul group into which a person is born. Being born poor, with a physical, mental, or emotional illness or challenge is also a choice. There is no good, bad, or better situation into which a person can be born. When we learn to stop judging and punishing and begin to understand the truth of why we are here on the planet, we can begin to love ourselves and one another much better.

We live in a great era of transformation and opportunity. We are collectively transforming from a culture of manipulation, victimization, and service to self into a culture that is heart-centered and in which the mind serves the heart. A culture of unity which honors vulnerability and which promotes trust. A culture in which all people and all talents are valued. We each chose to come here and to incarnate on Earth at this crucial time. The more love and attention we bring to the planet and to one another at this time, the more smoothly and beautifully the transition will occur.  Fear, anger, division will slow and render more chaotic this transition. We always have a choice. And every single individual choice matters and affects the planet and the global human experience of life.


Keep your power, or take it back. Stand up as responsible. See the world and other human beings as a mirror of your own inner state. Own that. Be grateful for where you are right now. It is perfect, and you are perfect. Stay in the moment, and be aware of your body and how it feels, as well as your thoughts and emotions in each instant. Observe everything and everyone, including yourself, with wonder and amazement.


You are a beautiful creation, a being of light. Moving through the shadows of experience and integrating the shadows as you transform them back into light. Our ego, or survival self is a tool, a necessary structure that allows us to navigate in a physical world, which on many levels, is an illusion. When we allow the ego to take over our entire identity, we become overly fearful and harsh. Stepping back helps us to realize that we are immortal beings, and that our current physical incarnation is only a chosen and temporary expression of our true, multi-dimensional and immortal Self. So relax, enjoy the ride. Enjoy other people. Enjoy nature. Allow people to be who they are and relish in their differences. Enjoy who you are. You are perfect.

I love you.

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How to make your neighborhood a safe, happy place

Maxfield Parrish painting

Dearest readers,

I am a member of a neighborhood social network called NextDoor. It is a wonderful site, connecting people in contiguous communities, allowing people to exchange thoughts, practical information, make friends, and to help one another in various ways.

However, the issue of crime and neighborhood safety is one which keeps recurring, and I end up feeling frustrated because no one seems to either propose to look at the situation from a different perspective, and no one is offering a viable solution to the problem.

house illustration

I see people reacting to a situation in which certain individuals are either violating their space, stealing property either through burglary or taking items such as packages delivered to their home and left on the porch. Cars are broken into and either robbed or stolen. People complain that they don’t feel safe walking and I often see those who do walk armed with large sticks to fend off loose dogs or potential assault by humans.

The key to the problem is reactivity. People are assuming that criminality and danger is the norm, and that fear is the normal, expected, and proper response to the situation that they call reality. What most people do not YET realize is that it is our consciousness that creates our reality. People are assuming that reality is something that is outside of self, and they are reacting to that assumption. What is inside of our minds and our hearts is what creates the outside world that we experience individually and collectively. We are all creating this experience together. We are ALL responsible for this creation.

Norman Rockwell painting

Once we understand this crucial principle, we are suddenly empowered to do something about our circumstances, of which we are no longer a victim. This is a great feeling! As individuals, we can do a lot, but in groups, our power is multiplied. Once human beings realize that it is our consciousness that creates the world in which we live, and once human beings stop reacting in anger and fear to a social fabric that makes them sad, uncomfortable, and anxious, we can begin to work together to create a reality that is pleasant, safe, and productive for everyone.


The shocking truth is that we are ALL responsible for the crime that takes place in our neighborhoods. Even if we have one burglar arrested and punished for breaking into homes or cars, another will immediately take his or her place if we don’t raise our consciousness and raise the energetic frequency that we are creating for our neighborhood. If we accept and promote fear and defensiveness, we are perpetuating crime in our community. Judgment, condemnation, and punishment of behaviors and of other human beings does not and never will solve the problem of crime, which is essentially a disease called disrespect and lack.

A criminal is a person who lives in separation and lack. This person believes unconsciously that he or she does not deserve to have whatever it is that he or she desires. This person also lacks self-love and self-respect. By attempting to take the property or invade the well-being of other people, the person who takes on a life of crime is a person who is pushing up against others in order to learn the lessons of self-love and respect of self and others.

neighborhood kindergarten

When a community is evolved and mature enough to understand the nature of reality and the importance of self-love, respect, and non-judgment, we can begin to work together to create relationships based on love, compassion, and respect for all people. No one is punished or excluded, and no one is obligated to live in fear and to hate or resent others for invading their space or taking their property. We can attempt to work with people who don’t know how to love and respect self and others by raising our frequency and compassion. If a person chooses to live in a low frequency and we choose to keep our frequency high, the low frequency person who chooses lack, disrespect, anger will simply avoid us and our neighborhood. Darkness avoids light.

On a higher level of consciousness, nothing is separate. We are all one, brothers and sisters of one human family. Everyone is at a different place in their personal evolution. No one is, however, better or more important than anyone else. We cannot own anything, because everything is energy. When we stop the flow of energy, there is stagnation.

There are some very simple things we can do to raise the energetic signature or frequency of our bodies, our homes, our communities and thereby make our block, our neighborhood an incredible place to live:

  1. Stop being afraid. You do not need to defend yourself or your property.
  2. Talk to people walking through your neighborhood.
  3. Talk to your neighbors, even if their education and background is different from yours.
  4. Know that we are all one, all sourced from love…even those who are struggling, wounded, living in lack.
  5. Plant a garden that makes your street look more beautiful. This is a gift to the neighborhood.
  6. Place a Little Free Library to make books available to your community.
  7. Organize neighborhood meetings and parties so people can meet one another, exchange thoughts, and mingle.
  8. Meditate. Raise your frequency, clearing thought forms of fear, anxiety, anger, resentment, jealousy (all low frequency energies) from your body, mind, heart, light body, and from all dimensions. We all live on multiple dimensions at the same time, even if we are not aware of it. Create a group meditation for the benefit of your neighborhood and all of your neighborhoods, and create clear, positive intentions for your community.
  9. Do nice things for people you know and for strangers. Say hello, smile, be kind and attentive to all people without distinguishing between those you know and those you don’t know. Treat everyone the same, from the homeless to the multi-billionaire. Every time you do something kind and act compassionately, you raise the frequency of the entire planet. Every time you are selfish, suspicious, angry, inattentive, disconnected, you lower the frequency of the entire planet. We are all connected to one another, and we are connected to the frequency of Earth, who is a living, conscious being.
  10. Be aware of your surroundings. Turn off your phone and pay attention to the beautiful planet on which we live. Be grateful for all of the gifts in your life, including your body, your health, your home, family, all of the animals and plants, the food you eat, the water you drink, the air you breathe. With loving thoughts, you can heal the air, the water, the soil of the poisons and toxins accumulated through so many years of unconscious living. Together, we can heal the planet as well as our neighborhoods.


Together, we can create a new reality, a new society, and a new way of living based on respect, responsibility, self-love, and compassion. We see a lot of chaos around us today because it is becoming impossible to remain asleep. For thousands of years, only a select few have lived in a fully awakened state, and for thousands of years, these awake individuals were often persecuted and murdered for being aware that human consciousness creates reality. The powers that be continue to want us to live in constant fear and to keep us all living in the lower frequency ranges which keep us sick, angry, judgmental, fearful, reactive, at war, addicted to various substances, and in a passive-aggressive victim mode. This is how they maintain their power and their wealth.


Humanity has been manipulated by a fairly small group of elites who are fully aware of the power of human consciousness. These elites have done everything they can to prevent the majority of humanity from realizing our own power. They have and continue to do all they can to keep us fearful and asleep. In this way, we work and we are exploited. We are poisoned, and we are kept sick with a medical system which alleviates symptoms but cures no ailments, for the system itself is one designed to keep us sick. In addition to that sad fact, the health insurance and pharmaceutical industries steal much of our remaining resources, increasing their own wealth. Politics, religions, the military, Hollywood, the media, and finance have all worked together to make sure that we are constantly robbed, fearful, sick, and unaware of our own power. This system is very clever and very complex, yet the darkness in which all of these institutions have been veiled is now being revealed.

poverty and crime

As human beings wake up around the planet (this process has been escalating for the last thirty or so years), the amount of light and high frequency energies on the planet have also escalated. The darkness can no longer operate as it once did, with 99.9 % of all humans asleep and easily manipulated. The power of the Internet is the crowning jewel of the awakening, allowing people all over the world to share information and to communicate. We now know that we do not have to be victims. We do not have to be afraid of one another. We can choose to no longer allow ourselves to be divided from our brothers and sisters because of skin color, origin, gender, sexual orientation. Once awake, we no longer take sides and we are no longer interested in politics, religious salvation, and we are no longer distracted by mindless entertainment.


Awake people want to work together to create a reality that works for all of us. The technologies which have been suppressed by the corporate, political, religious, financial, and military elites and controllers will be allowed to come to light, providing all people with everything we need to thrive. Our planet can easily provide abundance for all people. Our neighborhoods can easily be safe for all people, for all children. The culture of predation and exploitation is collapsing. In 2018, our ability to clearly see the unveiling of all that has been going on behind the scenes, in the dark realms and corridors of power will expand. From pedophilia to human trafficking, the practice of dark magic, and all matters of disrespect of the human condition, those who have been asleep will be shocked very deeply.


It is important as these revelations come to light to not react in anger, fear, disgust, even though it is, on one level completely appropriate to feel this way. Those who have been sleeping have been allowing these behaviors and, as such, are also responsible for this reality. What is most important is to feel compassion for those who have been living in the dark for so long. Both the predators and their victims. We are all immortal beings having a human experience. The human experience until now has been one mostly of separation, lack, and suffering. Remember, when we lower our frequency to anger and reactivity, we are lowering the frequency of the planet and prolonging the transition to peace and prosperity for all.


It does not have to be this way any more. We are living at a crucial time in the history of humanity. A time in which we have the power to make an incredible difference in the lives of all people and in the quality of life shared by all beings on our beautiful home planet. Let’s awaken with empathy for all human beings. Judgment and condemnation are part of the old system, the old way of life. When we create something new, there will be no separation, no duality. Be kind. Be curious. Be understanding of self and others. Be quick to help, and slow to criticize. Listen. Pay attention to your inner life. Be in nature and be thankful. Let’s create a wonderful new life on Earth together. Now is the time.

playa del carmen.jpg

If you are feeling drawn to the concept of awakening to a higher level of consciousness at this time, please pay close attention to these feelings. Work the puzzle of your own life, and above all, be kind and loving to yourself and to others. Work with other people. Unity is our true state of being, the one reality.



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Sighting crows and return of the holy grail in 2018

Rackham ravens

Dearest readers,

Over the last month or so, I have been noticing large numbers of crows in my area. Absorbed in thought and observation as I walk in nature, I hear them call out, their raucous, throaty voices capturing my attention and making a mark on my consciousness.

crow diorama

A few weeks ago, I felt compelled to re-read Robert Bly’s short but very important book, “A Little Book on the Human Shadow”. I requested it from the library, and immediately upon beginning to read, an intense emotion, as deep as a thrill, struck my heart. In the very first chapter, at the end of the very first paragraph of the book, poet Bly declares:

We notice that when sunlight hits the body, the body turns bright, but it throws a shadow, which is dark. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Each of us has some part of our personality which is hidden from us. Parents, and teachers in general, urge us to develop the light side of the personality – move into well-lit subjects such as mathematics and geometry – and to become successful. The dark part then becomes starved. What do we do then? We send out a crow.” (my emphasis)

noah with dove and crow

This first paragraph is followed by a poem by Bly evoking the well-known story following the biblical flood, in which Noah, as the waters began to recede, sends out a dove to search for evidence of dry land. In fact, before the dove was sent, a crow was sent on this same mission. The crow evokes groundedness into the Earth, into the feminine, and into the darker side of self. All of the passions and emotions that we do not accept individually and collectively are embodied by the crow. The power of our bodies, our sexuality, the consciousness of the Earth herself, the wisdom of plants and trees, the truth and reality of the multi-dimensional nature of the planet and the human being…all of these are the domain of the crow and its corresponding symbol, the missing holy grail.

Our culture, by pushing the feminine and the qualities she embodies into the shadow, is reflected in the story of Noah.  This story clarifies how the triumph of the dove creates unbalance. We choose to live in the light, but we are burdened by an immense shadow. We don’t understand how there is so much violence and disrespect in our culture and in the behaviors of individuals. Symbolically, in the Noah story, we can see the disastrous consequences of the failure of the crow to come back down to Earth and be consciously present and represented in our cultural practices, minds, and hearts.

The crow is a totem animal that is frequently evoked as a powerful shamanic spirit traveling between dimensions. Soul retrieval is the equivalent of shadow work, as the shaman travels between dimensions, usually between the daylight of our “solid” third dimension to the subconscious hold-all of the fourth dimension. The fourth dimension, where we often travel during dream-time,  gathers both darkness and light. It is in this dimension in which most of our fears and unrealized desires dwell. When we are abused, hurt, damaged in some way, we lose some of our personal power and energy. These shards of being, of self, are spirited away into another dimension, into which we no longer have conscious access. Survival and self-preservation provoke this relinquishment of these pieces of self. To return to the 360 degree being that we are promised upon birth requires that we travel into these alternate dimensions in order to recover the energetic fragments of our consciousness that we have given up.


It takes courage to retrieve these parts of self, and it takes courage to look into our own shadow as well as into the shadow of the collective. The crows are physically present at this time to help us in this process. As the grail or the divine feminine returns and offers herself and her services to allow us to live more powerfully and more responsibly, we must look inward and stop pushing away that which is dark, deep, intimate.

totem pole

The grail is often depicted as a cup or chalice. The cup is a feminine shape, receptive, containing, possibly representing the woman’s body or womb. Our culture and society have actively persecuted and rejected the power of the feminine creative source for thousands of years.  The power of the feminine is a part of ourselves that has been suppressed in order to benefit a power structure that did not want to see us empowered or responsible creators of our own realities. And so we have all been living in a reduced capacity, in a co-dependent, victim-bully relationship and in a paradigm based on duality and separation from a key part of our most profound self.

Noah's ark

The return of the crows  is a crucial sign for humanity, as the crows have touched down and made physical contact with the Earth. They bring us back evidence of the dark loamy soil of a conscious planet ready for ascension. Do we choose to accept the challenge? Do we finally as a society begin to understand that the stories of the ancients were in fact truths and not myths? That centaurs, unicorns, sprites, giants, fairies, elves, witches and wizards are real beings living on a more coherent, higher frequency dimension, and that because we have dropped to a lower, more chaotic frequency, it is simply fact that we can no longer perceive them? At least not until we raise our own frequency and begin to vibrate at a higher level…

The crows are our teachers and guides. They are here to help us find the pieces of self that we have thoughtlessly scattered and lost. They are here to help us  become aware and to bring back meaning to our lives. They are here to help us to remember who we really are and how much we dream of living with purpose and integrity. Without the crow, the dove cannot create peace. Just as the Chinese yin-yang symbol depicts two interlocking tear drops of black and white, each containing a drop of the other’s “blood”, so do the dove and crow need one another to create balance. Without the divine feminine energies of receptivity, creative power, patience, dark brooding, intuition, physicality and sexuality, the divine masculine energies cannot alone produce a world that is livable, just, or sustainable.


We are now in a place where the world in which we live has become intolerable for all but a very few. There is and has been an agenda designed to destroy the planet and all of the beings who live upon Gaia if those in power can no longer reign imperiously and without consequence, plundering the Earth, humanity, the animal and plant kingdoms. It is up to us, as human beings, to return to the flow and to the power that is our birthright.  The only way that we can accomplish this is to unplug from the brainwashing programs that have been designed to keep us shattered, asleep, powerless, fearful, and in pain. The crows have come to gently awaken us and to show us all that we have given up. It will be a rude awakening for many, but the rewards will be great once we begin to work together to create realities which benefit all beings.


I recommend reading Robert Bly’s “A Little Book on the Human Shadow”, and anything by Marie-Louise Von Franz. Bly speaks of Franz on page 54 of the Harper edition:

“Marie Louise von Franz says somewhere that a human being who has done work with the shadow or absorbed the shadow gives a sense of being condensed. Other people willingly give him or her some authority in moral matters. If a teacher has worked with his own shadow, she says that students, no matter how young they are, sense it, and discipline in that room will not be difficult, because the students know that the teacher has his crow with him.” (my emphasis)

I also recommend reading “To the Bright Edge of the World” by Eowyn Ivey, an intercultural tale which brings forth the tension between European culture in America and that of the indigenous tribes, whose reality still very much included the magical dimensions. In this wonderful novel, among many threads and story lines, the shaman (who shape shifts into a crow) steals an unborn fetus from a white woman while her husband is exploring the wilds of Alaska. The child is then delivered by its father, from the Earth and the roots of a tree in a great gush of blood. Adopted by native tribes-people, the child grows up to mediate between the two cultures.


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Winter solstice 2017: the rainbow portal


Vädersolstavlan is painting depicting a halo display observed over Stockholm, Sweden on April 20, 1535. It is named after the multiple sun dogs appearing in the sky on the upper right part of the painting. Artists:   Urban målare, Jacob Heinrich Elbfas, painted in 1636

I have been listening to a fascinating series of channeled messages and interpretations of these messages by Magenta Pixie called Rainbow Portal, Silver Ray and the Two World Split (Winter Solstice 2017). This link includes the entire playlist for the original channeling plus the 12 part interpretation.

sun dog

For those of us who are actively involved in the ascension process and who identify as starseeds, this winter solstice is a particularly important event, in which at last the divine feminine comes in to balance with the divine masculine. Pixie explains that the silver ray is the feminine aspect complementing the golden ray of the masculine. This silver ray allows us to maintain our high frequency so that we can do more than just visit the fifth dimensional realities.


As she spoke of the rainbow portal, the messages activated in me a series of memories from both art and life. My father passed away in November 2006. At his burial a magnificent sun dog, or perihelion appeared in the sky. It was a dark, dreary day, yet this phenomenon (caused by the formation of ice crystals in the upper atmosphere) touched all of us who were present. Since that day, I see sun dogs on a regular basis, and I always think about my dad when I see them. In fact, I saw two just this past week as I was doing light work to dissolve chem-trails and to transmute their emissions into healing particles of light in my neighborhood and all over the country. One of the jets flew directly through the iridescent patch in the sky!


I also remembered a painting I made around 2001-2002 of a girl-bear hybrid having a tea party with some eggs and monkeys, with a rainbow bridge in the background. Intuitively, I understood the outcome of the shadow work.

sundog plane

I believe the rainbow portal is a sun dog. Pixie says the portal or gateway is also a vortex.  I think about the torsion field or toroidal form, which is both a vortex and a portal, spinning out zero point creative energies from its center. In nature, the vortex amplifies energies. For example, in a mountain stream, as the water eddies over rocks, it swirls in a vortex pattern. (See Viktor Schauberger’s documentary.) This geometry energizes the water and endows it with healing properties. The same goes for light, for thought patterns, for images. The vortex is also the model for our DNA, which Pixie’s channeled message describes as filaments of rainbow light in a quantum field, intertwined with strands of golden and silver light. Our DNA is in fact the piece of God consciousness that is inside of each of us – the interface between our own consciousness and the light of the Universe.

In much of Christian art, Jesus is painted as emerging from a rainbow-like portal. In the painting by Hans Memling, pictured below, it is interesting to notice that outside of the rainbow portal inside which Jesus sits on a throne, there seems to be a lot of violence and chaos erupting.  As we prepare to enter the rainbow portal of this year’s winter solstice, the collective is plunged into a similar array of random acts of brutality.

In these artistic depictions of the Christ or unity consciousness embodied, sometimes the portal is round, but other times it appears in the form of a vesica piscis, or the shape formed by the intersection of two circles. This portal is an expression of the divine feminine, as it is shaped like a vagina, and the Christ or unity consciousness is emerging from the womb of the Universe into grounded or incarnated form. The Christian fish is this same shape, formed by two intersecting circles.


Most people do not think about Jesus or Buddha as being masters of DNA or masters of physics. Most people are not aware that there have been many great masters (male and female) who have walked this Earth, and that many masters are alive today.


Full integration of the light of awareness and unconditional love all parts of the self are the pre-conditions for mastery. All parts of self that were formerly submerged in the shadow of the subconscious mind are examined and brought into the light. At this point, there is no longer any need for conflict with other people. No need for karma. Once this difficult work has been accomplished, then any human being is capable of functioning from the zero point as a master of love. A miracle is the outcome of a person using intention, imagination, and unconditional love to create in hyper-space, outside of the illusion of time and space. This is the creative space, where humanity intersects with what we call God. Our DNA is the source of our power.


This winter solstice of 2018 is an activation point for full re-empowerment of the human being. As we bring back the full measure of the divine feminine to complement the divine masculine, and as we integrate both sides of our brain back into unity, the long journey back to our true nature comes full circle.


Humanity expelled from Eden has come full circle into the rainbow portal. It does not matter if you consider the “Fall” to be a choice or a condition to which humanity has been subjected for many thousands of years. Humanity has been experiencing separation from our true power and our true nature, out of balance, lonely, yearning, grasping, blaming, judging, killing. Yet in spite of the terrible challenge of being completely unaware of the great power within us, human beings have created incredible music, art, theater, dance, fashion, gardens, languages, architecture. Human beings have remained creative in the arts, sciences, mathematics, sports, and so many areas.

Nevertheless, the full expression  of our true abilities has been severely curtailed. We have been experiencing life as but a shadow of our true measure. The rainbow portal is an opportunity to return to Eden, fully aware and responsible. Not in the care of a father-like God, but fully empowered in ourselves.

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