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Using childhood trauma to awaken to your life’s mission


Remembering New Earth

Dearest readers,

As the frequencies on the planet have rapidly escalated over the last several years, talk about fulfilling one’s life purpose or mission have become increasingly commonplace. As we shift out of the third density experience into 5-D, we are increasingly reluctant to give up our personal power or to trade our soul purpose for security and survival.

The persistence of the 3-D “physical” realm depends on humanity relinquishing our personal power and soul work. Third density is all about control and placing our power and knowledge outside of self. The return to unity consciousness and 5-D is about a return to intuition. Once we shift out of 3-D, we know and trust that everything we need to support our personal mission will be given to us through synchronicity, as long as we are in full integrity, using our talents to support the highest good of everyone and everything.

Many of us have multiple life purposes and missions that may overlap.

As we collectively and individually shift our focus away from loving and accumulating material things to loving ourselves and all of life on Earth, the question about why we are even here at this time naturally arises.

Very recently, I have had to bring out of storage into my very small home, over 30 years’ accumulation of paintings, drawings, sketchbooks, family photos, letters, art catalogues, sentimental items. Having to sort through all of these things and letting go of attachments to things that no longer serve is a very powerful and poignant spiritual growth experience. Now is the time to let go of the pains and joys of the past and to move fully into our missions. Of course, we have been doing the work since birth, consciously or unconsciously.

Amongst my boxes of personal artefacts, I found a book called “I See Your Dream Job: A Career Intuitive Shows You How to Discover What You Were Put on Earth to Do”, by Sue Frederick. (St. Martin’s Press, 2009)

Using numerology, basic astrology, and intuitive guidance, the author explains how everything in our lives is by design. Through my own path, I have come to most of conclusions the author makes on my own. Her suggestion that by remembering the single most painful experience of our lives and how we could comfort ourself had we been our higher self at that moment of great struggle, we can access our highest purpose is very illuminating.

The truth is that we each chose to be here now, exactly as we are. We chose the challenges, the difficult people, the abuse, trauma, the pain in order to remember our mastery and power when the time was right. It is not easy, by any means, to push through the wounds we have accumulated through many lifetimes. Every awakening is a process of integration, a spiral of energy that we travel around. With each revolution on the upward spiral, we refine our understanding and our integrity, as we remember why we chose to experience so many painful events.

While the conventional “matrix” social system strives to control us indefinitely by generating and preserving the alchemy of fear, the awakening soul desirous of embodying its soul purpose must cross through the fear. Like a phoenix arising from its ashes, each of us must leave behind the “ashes” of our old life and experiences and use the fertilizer from these experiences to grow anew.

I am still climbing my own upward spiral, my own road to true alignment and integrity with my soul’s purpose. I know that my purpose is to use my talents as an artist, writer, healer, teacher, speaker to support our beautiful planet and to be a voice for the Divine Feminine.

The voice of the Divine Feminine has been silenced for eons, because She represents true, organic life.

The Divine Feminine cannot be controlled. She is life itself. The system controlling the planet and humanity for these many thousands of years has mastered how to suppress human and planetary freedom and creativity by keeping us fearful, distracted, and focused on external goals, appearances. We have agreed to make and keep ourselves small, in exchange for pitiful pittances that we are taught to believe keep us safe from countless threats that surround us at all times. The control system’s intention is to ultimately completely replace the Divine Feminine, the original organic matrix, with an artificial matrix, or AI system to which we would all give up our soul purpose, integrity, and connection to our source creator. This includes our and the planet’s ability to reproduce naturally.

By keeping us in our heads and making us believe that all knowledge and power is found outside, rather than inside of self, we remain powerless and dependent upon the control system. That is how it works.

The truth is, each human being is infinitely powerful. But we have to remember who we are. We have to remember our soul’s purpose that we came here to experience and to embody.

This is where childhood and life traumas play their role. Each time we are challenged or triggered, this was planned before we were born. The most painful traumas show us what our soul purpose is. In my own case, I experienced emotional abuse and bullying over and over again, throughout my life. My voice was crushed, silenced. I kept standing up for myself, and it kept happening, again, again, again. I came to a point where I felt that to be a girl, to be a woman, was a source of pure pain. And I was determined to not be a mother to a daughter. To an extent where I had two abortions in my lifetime, many years apart, but both in which I knew the fetus was female. These experiences were the most painful of my life, and they both reveal my true purpose for this lifetime.

To silence or be silenced, or to speak the empowered voice of the Divine Feminine, through my art, my writings, my love of Gaia, of her plants, her animals?

For so many years, I chose to hold the conditioned belief that I needed to have a job on the side so that I could continue to be an artist, because I could not sell my work. Holding that belief caused this to be so. In the jobs I have had all my life, I have never been given a leadership role. Often, I have been either overlooked, and sometimes bullied. I have always stood up for myself, yet on the fringes of my consciousness, I accepted invisibility as a cloak of protection. To cross through that cloak from the shadows into the light is what standing in one’s power and authenticity requires.

In childhood, my family chose to see me as the source of all of their problems, and they dumped their own shadow material onto me, so that they would not have to carry it themselves. I always went inward. I developed my intuition. I studied my own shadow, and the human shadow through art, literature, philosopy, psychology. I tried to understand others and why they do what they do. Wisdom was my goal, even from a very young age. It takes much courage to be your authentic self in a world that does everything it can to distract you from your true identity.

The great shift involves a process of soul retrieval. The personal power that we have each given away through every experience of abuse, victim-hood, PTSD, separation from our true, divine powerful self is now being collected and re-integrated by those of us who have chosen the New Earth awakening path.

This shamanistic, alchemical process is what healing is. Becoming whole again. Taking back our power. Remembering our true nature as fractals of the One Divine Source of Consciousness.

In reality, we never were, never are separate. But we forgot who we are, and in the process, we willingly gave up our power. Our soul’s purpose is the voice of our personal power. And our childhood traumas and all of our life experiences helped us to develop the talents we brought in, and gave us the strength, understanding, and compassion for self and others that we need to pursue our mission, in service to the highest good of all.

So if you are unable to focus on what your divine soul purpose is for this incredible lifetime, just focus on the most very painful moments from your life, from childhood or from adulthood. These experiences are a gift that will help you to break through your resistance to your own power.

I have made many very powerful paintings in my life, especially when I was younger. But in my youth, I did not believe fully in my worth as a woman and as a painter. I have had to experience so much emotional abuse, neglect, degradation in order to fully understand how the Divine Feminine has been treated, so that I am Her. And all of these refractions of pain, the facets of a beautiful diamond, are mine to spiritually and alchemically re-integrate back into unity and harmony once again.

There have been times, many times, when I felt like giving in, giving up. I never have, but I also haven’t yet fully stood up, in full confidence and integrity, without a single doubt in my heart or mind about my worth and value as an artist, woman, and representative for the Divine Feminine reintegration into our collective culture and consciousness. That is why I am here. This is what I must achieve.

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