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Triggered: Healing codependency through the ascension process


duality and emotional turmoil

Dearest readers,

Do you feel like the number of times that you are emotionally triggered has increased over the last few years, months, even days? If you do, you are not alone.

The ascension process is a gradual awakening of the human being, and a transition or healing process as well, taking us from a polarized state of duality to a more unified way of thinking, feeling, being, and doing. To experience unity consciousness, we must integrate the bits and pieces of ourselves and of our power that we have given away to others through victim consciousness and the myriad ways that the duality system has caused us to suffer and be cut off from our Higher Self as well as from other people and beings.


Every time I am triggered, I have to remind myself that the person or situation causing me to feel angry, upset, manipulated, cheated, hurt, or sad is an opportunity to get to know myself better and to take more responsibility for my own life. When I start to understand that this person or situation is not responsible for my personal unhappiness in that given moment and when I start to see myself and my role in that situation more clearly, I can integrate that new information and I become more mature and more able to face life confidently and with more love for myself and for others simultaneously.

Duality always presents an either/or outcome for every relationship, situation, and experience. It is either a good or bad experience. A person is good or bad. We are always judging self and others without even realizing it because we have been conditioned from a very young age to do so, and this conditioning is constantly reinforced by family, school, work, society, entertainment, etc. Codependency is a system of relationship in which we are never truly sovereign beings. We are never responsible for our own pain or failure, and we either are trained to blame others for our suffering or to hold it in and punish ourselves, playing the martyr.

Vasilis Avramidis painting

Unity consciousness and the ascension process give us a way out and above all, a way up. Higher consciousness and thinking mean that we no longer have to spin in circles, endlessly repeating the same experiences with different people that all have the same outcomes. Why do so many marriages end in divorce? Why is there so much violence in our societies? Why so much domestic violence, bullying, suicide, child abuse, incest, theft, manipulation, drug and alcohol abuse?

All of these behaviors are symptoms of duality and codependency. Where there is shame and judgment from birth onwards, we all are made to feel as if we are not whole and perfect as we are, innately. By being trained to seek love, perfection, and completion from outside of self from a very young age, we also learn to punish and judge self and others constantly and mercilessly. This process of auto-sado-mascochism and violence towards others can be healed by shifting to a higher level of consciousness.

Because we all carry so many wounds from self, family, society, and from our ancestors and lifetimes on other dimensions and timelines, there is a lot to heal and integrate. And we are living in a time of healing and revelation of all that has been suppressed. This is why everything appears so chaotic. There is an endless supply of triggers for all of us to “use” for our own benefit, and for the greater good of everyone and all that exists.

hybrid animal painting

As corruption and abuse is revealed on all levels of society and government, and where polarity seems to be exacerbated, we are all given much food for thought. All that has been hidden for so long is now coming to the surface to be integrated and rethought. We now are able to see how dark and distorted the world we have been given as our collective reality truly is, and we have the opportunity to see how powerful we are to change that collective experience. We are not victims, though we have been trained to think that way for eons. All human beings possess the ability to create whatever we can imagine.

Since we are trained to expect the worst of life, this is what we experience. Now we can change this and begin to love and appreciate ourselves. The nature of reality is extremely pliable. Our minds and hearts are the matter and crux of our personal and collective experiences of life. Once we shift our inner life perspective and start to focus on love of self and others, all while taking full responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, choices, actions, the “outer” reality will begin to quickly shift for all of us.

Codependency is a system of relationship that was artificially created to keep humanity in constant pain, confusion, and discomfort. It doesn’t have to be that way. Welcome the triggers. They are opportunities to shift from darkness and pain into ease and happiness. It is a process, and it takes a lot of work. It doesn’t happen overnight, the way people who spout off about the Law of Attraction seem to indicate. Humanity has been enslaved for thousands of years. All of us. Healing from this simply takes time, focused attention, effort, dedication, and hope.

duality painting

I’ll share a recent personal example of a pretty powerful trigger I experienced a few days ago. A coworker has been asking for financial contributions for her daughter, who is about to take a four day trip to NYC with her band class for a performance at Carnegie Hall. She is a single parent, but she does receive child support, and she has multiple streams of income. She has known about this trip for quite some time. The total cost of the trip is $1500. I am also a single parent, and I don’t receive any child support and have no other source of income other than my job. My son is in college overseas, and I have a lot of expenses for travel, insurance, etc. associated with supporting him.

I felt really uncomfortable when my coworker approached me and others, asking for money because I try so hard to be organized, independent, and responsible. I also know that my coworker gives a lot of money to charitable organizations and to her church. I found myself trying to judge her for her poor financial management and for her brazen requests for funds. Then I realized I needed to look within and learn what was causing these feelings of being triggered and upset.

I realized that within the codependent families I know (my own ) and those of friends, that we each play a different role within the codependent family system. One person is the responsible one, possibly the scapegoat. The person who can take care of him or herself and who never gets any help. The person who can be dumped on and who should carry the weight of the shadow for the whole family. Then there is the “poor me” victim and baby who never grows up and always is helpless and needs to be taken care of, long after they are physically mature adults. There are martyrs, victims, bullies, scapegoats in every codependent family.

As a middle child, I happened to be the scapegoat/responsible one. Everyone hated me so they didn’t have to hate themselves. And I never got help or helped when I needed it. So it is logical that this trigger should come up. A helpless person (who is an adult and who is not “really” helpless) asking the responsible one to take responsibility for her child’s trip because she is too disorganized to manage her finances properly!!!


As I turned the situation around and around in my head and heart, I realized that it was the residues of my own codependent upbringing that were coming up to be healed and resolved. I had told my coworker that I wouldn’t contribute to her fund. But more importantly, I realized that her issues are her own to heal, and that mine are my own. I don’t need to judge her and her financial management skills (or lack thereof). She will heal from her codependency when she is good and ready. Sometimes it’s OK to ask for help. And no, I’m not responsible for raising her kid. But I don’t need to feel angry or upset about it, though the trigger brought up the pain and indignation so I could feel it and remember how upsetting it is to be made to feel as though you are the one responsible for everyone else’s pain and discomfort. I know in my mind, and I have known for a long time, that this is not true. But to actually be at peace in one’s mind, body, heart all at the same time…that is true healing. When that trigger can come up again and I just feel peaceful inside…then I will know that I am healed in that area.

Naked Lunch Rimi Yang

These triggers that are coming up all over the place produce very challenging emotions and thoughts. I consider them to be gifts, and I hope that humanity will take these countless opportunities to heal ourselves and to heal our world. We are one family, and we are all perfect, as is. It is hard to be human, but it’s getting easier.

Welcome to New Earth, fellow human being. I wish you the very best on your journey, and I hope I can support you through my words of encouragement, understanding, and explorations of reality.

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