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Testing Character: Can You Tell That I’ve Grown?


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Hello readers, I am hoping that as a culture and society we are beginning to move away from the superficial cult of the personality and the call of celebrity to a way of life in which depth and character are emphasized.  While there is nothing wrong per se about having fun and enjoying the good things in life, I for one, do feel that we are on this earth for a purpose, and that purpose is to grow and mature, to deepen our characters and soul as a fine wine or cheese ages, slowly transforming itself from something young and green to something more mysterious and deep.

Have you noticed how experiences seem to be tailor-made, often in a very exasperating way?  Since the entire scope of existence is pure consciousness or mind power, every circumstance is connected to everything and everyone else. Therefore, as we begin to grow and pay attention to ourselves and our surroundings, we also begin to understand how the world is benevolently working to help us achieve our ultimate goal – to build our character and grow in strength as well as in love.  This love includes our self, and this is a very important aspect of growth and of loving kindness.  Because universal consciousness is not human, it has no concept of time.  This is why it can sometimes be annoying to perceive that our growth does not often correspond to the swiftness of our heart’s desires. Sometimes I feel impatience with this process, my own confidence exceeding the wisdom that I am beginning to know is possessed by the universe, as it benevolently supervises my growth. 

For example, my relationships with men have been characterized by my attractions and ties to individuals who are emotionally or otherwise unavailable, men who are consistently immature and often dishonest.  Honestly, I have no conscious desire to be with people who try to hurt me or use me.  Due reflection has taught me that I was drawn to men who reflect the inner construct of my father.  My father was a man who, by profession, was a medical doctor.  He was quiet and fairly introverted – as I am.  What I did not see on the surface of my hard-working honest and highly intelligent father was his shadow.  And it was this shadow father that I attracted in my “love life”.  There was not much love at all in these interactions. As I work to peel away the layers of gristle from my own thinking and emotions, trying my best to understand these compulsions, I watch and learn. 

The universe keeps bringing similar individuals to me, observing me and my responses to them.  As I learn to identify such individuals, I also modulate my reactions.  After making similar mistakes multiple times, I finally allowed, well, forced myself to slow down and take several steps back to observe myself and my own behaviors.  It is possible to spend an entire lifetime and to refuse to grow or evolve.  The family in which I grew up is of this mindset – extremely rigid with a tendancy to reject others and project blame for circumstances in a widely arched spray of vitriol. Perhaps it is this rigidity that inspired me to become a seeker.  In any case, I was always drawn towards the inner life.  Something in me always wanted to understand and make sense of the world in which I live.

In short, I believe that character is something that grows out of temperament and experience.  Every situation we encounter gives us the opportunity to make choices, and by repeating similar errors based on our hauntings and habits, we can eventually allow the deepest hurts and most profoundly hidden truths about ourselves to surface and make sense.  Growth is painful and can be either slow or instantaneous.  We all have our own pace, style, and creative voice in our own growth.  It is very hard to make a choice because we never possess enough information.  However,  when we open our minds and hearts to our connection to universal consciousness, we have more information, more energy, and more love and support than we would ever be able to provide for ourselves – even with aids of technology, family, vitamins, diet or exercise.

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